Comments on: How Young Athletes Become Frustrated – A Model for Parents and Coaches

By: Patrick Cohn

Patrick Cohn — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 12:55:38 +0000

Please start here: http://www.youthsportspsychology.com/youth_sports_psychology_blog/?p=1649

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 02:36:37 +0000

I found this site while I was researching issues I’m having with my 10 year old daughter. She plays fastpith softball on a 10u travel team. She has the potential to be the best on the team but she’s not because of her attitude. If she messes up she automatically gets mad. This causes her to shut down and that leads to more errors. This behavior has her on the bench often. How can I handle this?

By: Patrick Cohn

Patrick Cohn — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 02:30:26 +0000

Anger is most often not helpful to athletes. In rare cases, some athletes can use it to help them focus better and feel more motivated to perform better. The best option is to help kids modify their expectations and how they think about mistakes.

Patrick Cohn

By: Didztr

Didztr — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 21:45:53 +0000

Hello Dr. Cohn,

Often what I have seen in frustration with athletes is that much of their expectations and goals are set on past achievements and/or seen achievements by other athletes. I often see them compare their success to that of other athletes. Hence when attempting to change their perception by using the “no one is perfect” argument, they will often refer back to “[so and so] was able to make it” or “I was able to score this many points last year”.

After the comparison has been made, many coaches i’ve observed will say out of reflex “yes but you are not [so and so]” which I often feel makes a turn for the worst in reducing their self-confidence and motivation. They view the statement as – I am inferior or not as good as others, or the coach does not think I have what it takes.

Athletes who sometimes show anger are in my opinion the most determined and motivated. Is there a way to channel the anger into positive outcomes in training after a trigger?

By: timc

timc — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:35:50 +0000

My son is the poster child for this. Tries some of your books/cd, more a perfectionist. Has issues with perfectionism and then shows the anger/frustration and quitting in basketball. Shows more anger and self criticism in baseball

By: David Sedeno

David Sedeno — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:51:51 +0000

Dr.Cohn,

I’m glad I found your web site. I have the 12 yr old golf wiz. Passionate and very gifted. Has competed nationally from the age of 8. I have attributed the emotional outburst to age and inexperiance with dealing with these types of emotions. He does need tools to figure out that golf is not a game of perfect and how to move on. I look forward to learning more and helping him unleash the inner genius!

By: suan

suan — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:59:42 +0000

Dr Cohn,
I have a 13 year old daughter who also crys alot and is also a figure skater. I understood Mike (november 16) and just asume this is what ice skaters do alot. My daughters coach gives a lot of negative feed back to her with attitude sometimes aswell. I have spoke with the coach, but where we are there is only this club, and thats it. I know she is stuck on one paticular jump and cant seem to feel she can achieve this jump. She had a guy come and teach for 12 days and she improved so much. But then he left and we are back where we started. I feel for her but I am at a loose end. I am always supportive she started later than most kids but has reached a high level quickly and without many private lessons. I want her to do well as she deserves it as she works hard. But how can I give her confidence to move on when the coach can be so negative at times.

By: Tara

Tara — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 13:29:49 +0000

Thank you so much for this video. I have a 7 year old son who is very talented athletically but every time he does not perform well, he gets angry and cries. He reacts this way in hockey, baseball and football. We are going on 2 years with this behavior and we are at a loss on how to help him This is VERY frustrating for my husband and I and we are trying to tell him that he needs to have fun but it’s not working.

By: Patrick Cohn

Patrick Cohn — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 02:38:08 +0000

For me, you have to help him set positive, small goals to shoot for and never set goals to avoid making mistakes or missing shots, for example.

Patrick Cohn

By: Theresa

Theresa — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 19:21:30 +0000

Dr. Cohn,
Your video is very insightful. My question after watching it is…”So, now what?”.
I have an 11 year old son who is consistently complimented by parents and coaches (and people we don’t even know) about how “athletic” he is. Football is his first love and comes rather easily to him (he has played all of the skill positions, primarily QB/DB/Safety). He is comfortable being a “leader” on the football field. He’s also very popular w/his peers, so he’s not completely lacking in self confidence. So now comes basketball. After a couple of years playing in Optimist leagues and the school Catholic league I decided to let him try out for a travel team in order to maybe “up his game” and get ready for middle school sports by playing with kids of equal to greater ability. He made the “B” team but not the “A” team. And he has realized that he’s NOT the best player on the team. This is not a bad thing, as he needs to learn that sometimes you actually have to work hard to succeed. He is probably the best defender on the team because of his quickness and I remind him of this all the time. But now he’s so focused on making mistakes that it’s really affecting his game. He’s not the greatest ball handler so he avoids getting the ball sometimes (in one game he had ONE turnover and had a meltdown at halftime). He wants to score, but you can’t do that without the ball. I tell him all the time that not everyone can be a scorer and that there are 5 players out there and they all have a job to do and if the one kid who scores a lot were to play 1 on 5 he would lose. The other problem is his dad. He gets very nervous when his dad (my ex-husband) comes to his games. I told his dad this hoping he would look at it from our son’s perspective but he is very stubborn. Before one game I was working with him on his shot and we were laughing and having a good time, he was relaxed and he made six 3-pointers in a row. As soon as his dad arrived and “took over” I could see a complete change in his body language. He was totally stiff and all his shots were short and he didn’t want to be there. He loves his dad and would never want to hurt his feelings by telling him to “get lost”. I feel completely helpless. I played a lot of basketball and I tell him I know how he feels. But how do I help him focus on the positive??