{"id":1505,"date":"2011-12-07T22:29:18","date_gmt":"2011-12-07T22:29:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=1505"},"modified":"2025-08-07T02:09:21","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T06:09:21","slug":"a-moms-success-story-about-coping-with-a-difficult-youth-coach","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/a-moms-success-story-about-coping-with-a-difficult-youth-coach\/","title":{"rendered":"One Sports Mom\u2019s Success Story: Dealing with a Bully Coach"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3756\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/encouraging-sports-kids-without-pressuring-them.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/encouraging-sports-kids-without-pressuring-them.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/encouraging-sports-kids-without-pressuring-them-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Communicating_With_a_Bully_Coach\"><\/span>Communicating With a Bully Coach<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/a-moms-success-story-about-coping-with-a-difficult-youth-coach\/#Communicating_With_a_Bully_Coach\" >Communicating With a Bully Coach<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/a-moms-success-story-about-coping-with-a-difficult-youth-coach\/#Thats_just_what_Kim_did\" >That\u2019s just what Kim did.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/a-moms-success-story-about-coping-with-a-difficult-youth-coach\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/a-moms-success-story-about-coping-with-a-difficult-youth-coach\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>Sports parents often feel torn about how to deal with <strong>difficult or bully coaches<\/strong>. Parents worry that if they approach coaches about their behavior, the coaches will give their kids less playing time, bench them, or favor other players.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But parents need to overcome these fears and step forward. After all, coaches are only human. That\u2019s what Kim, a sports mom, discovered after she took our advice and (bravely) reached out to a coach to discuss how he was undermining her 11-year-old baseball player\u2019s <strong>confidence,<\/strong> and not realizing it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In an interview, Kim told us that her son, a pitcher for his team, felt embarrassed when the coach degraded or yelled at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cThe coach, as a way to <strong>motivate<\/strong> him, would embarrass him in front of his team mates,\u201d <\/em>says Kim.<em> \u2018The coach would yell at him, \u2018It\u2019s simple baseball boys, what\u2019s wrong with you?\u2019 He would pull him from the game and replace him, reducing him to tears.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Her son responded the way most kids respond when humiliated. The boy\u2019s <strong>confidence<\/strong> sunk and he stated to fear making mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cIt deflated his <strong>confidence<\/strong> he was simply unable to perform. He was floundering, too afraid to make a decision or move. He was too <strong>intimidated<\/strong> to just go for it,\u201d<\/em> Kim says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As we\u2019ve said many times, when kids are too scared to take risks, their performance really suffers. They generally play to avoid making mistakes, which doesn\u2019t allow them to grow as players.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this case, it got so bad that Kim pulled her son from the team for three games of the season. But it didn\u2019t feel good to Kim or to her son for him to walk away from a position of leadership, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWe had to have some resolutions. We couldn\u2019t just take our ball and go home,\u201d<\/em> she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s when Kim contacted us for advice, and we suggested she try to talk to the coach. Keep in mind that when we suggest this, we say that parents need to be careful about how they do this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Parents should not approach coaches when they\u2019re coaching, and they should not approach them in front of the players. Parents need to be civil and avoid blaming or insulting the coach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Thats_just_what_Kim_did\"><\/span><em>That\u2019s just what Kim did.<\/em><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cI sent him an email. I thought this was the most innocuous, least confrontational way to approach him. I said, \u2018As a coach, your job is to get the most out of your players.\u2019\u201d&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She offered to explain to him how to get the most out of her son\u2014by <strong>encouraging<\/strong> him and giving him <strong>positive<\/strong> feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And guess what? The coach listened. He told Kim he had never coached kids this young before. He told her that it\u2019s his job to understand what <strong>motivates<\/strong> each kid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He said he had noticed that if he yelled, her son would shrink back. He even offered to work one-on-one in the park with Kim and her son on the skills the boy needed to <strong>improve.<\/strong> Kim accepted his offer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When Kim\u2019s son returned to the team\u2014after meeting privately with the coach for a few weeks\u2014he actually achieved a record number of strike-outs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cOur first game back on the team &#8211; after myself, my&nbsp;son and the coach had met and had gotten through our problem &#8211; he struck out 10 players in a row &#8211; a record on our travel team.&nbsp; It was living, breathing proof that if you encourage my son and have a <strong>positive<\/strong> attitude, he will rise to the occasion,\u201d<\/em> she wrote us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To listen to the first half of the interview with Kim, use the player below:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-1505-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/lisacohn.audioacrobat.com\/download\/ba400e2c-1967-0e92-b414-ce2ceeaeaad6.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/lisacohn.audioacrobat.com\/download\/ba400e2c-1967-0e92-b414-ce2ceeaeaad6.mp3\">http:\/\/lisacohn.audioacrobat.com\/download\/ba400e2c-1967-0e92-b414-ce2ceeaeaad6.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/protect-athletes-from-bully-coaches-in-the-wake-of-rutgers-rice-dismissal\/\"><strong>College Sports and Bully Coaches: Rutgers\u2019 Rice Fired<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/sports-mom-fights-bully-coach-and-changes-the-system\/\"><strong>Sports Mom Fights Bully Coach and Changes the System<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/should-parents-try-to-reason-with-bully-coaches\/\"><strong>Should Parents Try to Reason with Bully Coaches?<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Communicating With a Bully Coach Sports parents often feel torn about how to deal with difficult or bully coaches. Parents worry that if they approach coaches about their behavior, the coaches will give their kids less playing time, bench them, or favor other players. But parents need to overcome these &#8230; <a title=\"One Sports Mom\u2019s Success Story: Dealing with a Bully Coach\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/a-moms-success-story-about-coping-with-a-difficult-youth-coach\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about One Sports Mom\u2019s Success Story: Dealing with a Bully Coach\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3755,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[91,139,216,263,484],"class_list":["post-1505","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-bullying","tag-sports-bullying","tag-sports-confidence","tag-sports-kids","tag-youth-sports-bullying","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1505","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1505"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1505\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3755"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1505"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1505"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1505"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}