{"id":1608,"date":"2012-02-10T00:37:47","date_gmt":"2012-02-10T00:37:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=1608"},"modified":"2025-08-07T01:39:17","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T05:39:17","slug":"helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Sports Kids Resolve Conflict to Boost Performance"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3474\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/redefining-winning-for-young-athletes.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/redefining-winning-for-young-athletes.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/redefining-winning-for-young-athletes-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"External_Distractions_For_Sports_Kids\"><\/span>External Distractions For Sports Kids<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance\/#External_Distractions_For_Sports_Kids\" >External Distractions For Sports Kids<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance\/#Heres_whats_great_about_his_advice\" >Here\u2019s what\u2019s great about his advice:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance\/#Heres_how_Goldman_deals_with_conflict\" >Here\u2019s how Goldman deals with conflict:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance\/#Help_Your_Young_Athletes_Improve_Focus_In_Sports\" >Help Your Young Athletes Improve Focus In Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>When kids are distracted by the disagreements they have with their friends, opponents or coaches, they don\u2019t perform well in sports. They don\u2019t enjoy it as much or learn as much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If they\u2019re thinking about fighting over a guy, or being angry with a friend, or disagreeing with their parents, they\u2019re not <strong>focused<\/strong> on the thoughts, feelings, targets or other cues that they need to <strong>focus<\/strong> on to perform well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Worse, if they\u2019re the target of bully coaches or bully kids, they\u2019re really distracted. Sports often become a painful experience for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We recently interviewed Robert Goldman, a <strong>psychologist<\/strong> and criminal defense attorney, about his unusual ideas for helping <strong>sports kids<\/strong> resolve distracting <strong>conflicts<\/strong> and stop the painful bullying that is rampant in sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Heres_whats_great_about_his_advice\"><\/span>Here\u2019s what\u2019s great about his advice:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Sports kids can apply it to all areas of their lives!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, he says, most efforts to stop the teasing, taunting, and insulting that happens in sports are ineffective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cBullying is born out of our inability to deal with conflict and nip it in the bud. We outsource conflict to strangers, like school officials and courts. We haven\u2019t taught our children how to resolve conflict in a more transformative way so it becomes a <strong>learning process.\u201d<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Our inability to help kids resolve <strong>conflict<\/strong> leads kids to use texting or social media to say things they wouldn\u2019t say face to face, he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cZero tolerance for bullying isn\u2019t working, he says. Suspending kids from school, for example, doesn\u2019t work. Separating the kids from each other doesn\u2019t work, either. There\u2019s no resolution and no closure. Eventually that student has to come back to school and the victim has to feel safe again.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Heres_how_Goldman_deals_with_conflict\"><\/span>Here\u2019s how Goldman deals with conflict:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>He asks the kids to sit down together and even use a Native American \u201ctalking piece\u201d to communicate with each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cThey need to have a discussion about why it is happening and how to move forward. Everyone needs to take ownership for their actions.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They also need to listen to the others&#8217; point of view, he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This approach recently helped two girls re-kindle their friendship and get along&#8211;after one of them was charged with threatening to cut the other one\u2019s throat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-sports-kids-with-what-if-thinking\/\"><strong>Helping Sports Kids with \u201cWhat if\u201d Thinking\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-sports-kids-who-are-easily-distracted\/\"><strong>Helping Sports Kids Who Are Easily Distracted<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-young-athletes-cope-with-pregame-distractions\/\"><strong>Helping Young Athletes Cope with Pregame Distractions<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Your_Young_Athletes_Improve_Focus_In_Sports\"><\/span>Help Your Young Athletes Improve Focus In Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/focused-sports-kid-small-7.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/focused-sports-kid-small-7.jpg\" alt=\"the Focused Sports Kid\" class=\"wp-image-11217\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Are your young athletes easily <strong>distracted<\/strong> by people shouting on the sidelines? Do they obsess over their <strong>mistakes<\/strong>? Do they <strong>worry<\/strong> about what people think of them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>These issues will cause their concentration and performance to suffer!<a href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/the-focused-sports-kid-cd-program\/\">The Focused Sports Kid<\/a> helps kids overcome distractions that can hurt their performance in sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/the-focused-sports-kid-cd-program\/\">The Focused Sports Kid<\/a> program is actually two programs: one for sports parents\/coaches that provides mental game tips especially designed for parents and coaches, and for young athletes, ages 8 to 12, that will walk them through 7 simple lessons in mental focus in sports.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-2050113d\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-030447a4 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/the-focused-sports-kid-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-af59ca3f gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-focused-sports-kid-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>External Distractions For Sports Kids When kids are distracted by the disagreements they have with their friends, opponents or coaches, they don\u2019t perform well in sports. They don\u2019t enjoy it as much or learn as much. If they\u2019re thinking about fighting over a guy, or being angry with a friend, &#8230; <a title=\"Helping Sports Kids Resolve Conflict to Boost Performance\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-sports-kids-resolve-conflict-to-boost-performance\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Helping Sports Kids Resolve Conflict to Boost Performance\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3475,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14,6],"tags":[231,91,229,230,485,228,46,251,117],"class_list":["post-1608","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-youth-sports-podcast","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-bully","tag-bullying","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-sports-bully","tag-sports-distractions","tag-sports-kinds","tag-sports-psychology","tag-youth-sports","tag-youth-sports-psychology","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1608"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1608\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3475"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1608"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1608"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1608"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}