{"id":166,"date":"2009-07-23T20:01:16","date_gmt":"2009-07-23T20:01:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=166"},"modified":"2025-08-08T02:01:18","modified_gmt":"2025-08-08T06:01:18","slug":"teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Teaching Young Athletes to Be Resilient\u2014in Sports and Life!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-3474 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/redefining-winning-for-young-athletes.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/redefining-winning-for-young-athletes.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/redefining-winning-for-young-athletes-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Sports_Kids_And_Moving_on_After_Mistakes_or_Losses\"><\/span>Sports Kids And Moving on After Mistakes or Losses<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/#Sports_Kids_And_Moving_on_After_Mistakes_or_Losses\" >Sports Kids And Moving on After Mistakes or Losses<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/#In_other_words_if_they_lose_or_make_mistakes_they_may_think_they_lack_value_or_worth\" >In other words, if they lose or make mistakes, they may think they lack value or worth.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/#You_can_help_kids_narrow_the_loss_to_the_moment\" >You can help kids narrow the loss to the moment:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/#Heres_another_tip_for_increasing_kids_resiliency\" >Here&#8217;s another tip for increasing kids&#8217; resiliency:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/#Empathize_with_your_kids\" >Empathize with your kids.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-7\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>Does your young athlete say things like, <em>&#8220;I can never hit a good one,&#8221; <\/em>or,<em> &#8220;I&#8217;m always a terrible player,&#8221; or &#8220;Things never work out for me&#8221;<\/em> after a tough game or competition?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s a red flag, says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., a child <strong>psychologist<\/strong> and author of the book, <em>&#8220;Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When kids talk like this, it&#8217;s time for you as parents to step in and give them some perspective, she says. That will help them be more <strong>resilient<\/strong> in the face of loss or failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But you have to be very careful about how you <strong>communicate<\/strong> with them, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You need to acknowledge their feelings\u2014but at the same time help them separate the feelings from the facts. This is the tricky part, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Don&#8217;t challenge head-on what they are saying. Help them recognize that these are temporary feelings,<\/em>&#8221; Chansky suggests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;You might say, &#8216;I know that&#8217;s how you&#8217;re feeling right now. But let&#8217;s look at the facts. Is it really true that you&#8217;re never able to do that? Go over the factual side of the story with them. Point out what they did well.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;When kids have a bad game or performance, they need to understand that what just happened is only one moment in their history,&#8221; <\/em>Chansky says.<em> &#8220;What makes kids not <strong>resilient<\/strong> is feeling like whatever just happened reframes their worth or value.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"In_other_words_if_they_lose_or_make_mistakes_they_may_think_they_lack_value_or_worth\"><\/span>In other words, if they lose or make mistakes, they may think they lack value or worth.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In addition to helping kids separate their temporary feelings from facts, parents need to show some empathy for their young athletes. Showing empathy keeps the lines of communication open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may think that empathizing means agreeing with everything the child has to say. Not exactly, Chansky says. It&#8217;s more about acknowledging that&#8217;s how the child feels right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;If a child is devastated, to empathize, you don&#8217;t have to say, &#8216;Yes, you&#8217;re the worst player ever,\u2019<\/em>&#8221; she explains. <em>&#8220;But you can agree that that&#8217;s how the child is feeling right now. You can say, &#8216;I know this is so disappointing to you.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"You_can_help_kids_narrow_the_loss_to_the_moment\"><\/span>You can help kids narrow the loss to the moment:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>This is one game and there will be others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can also look at what they&#8217;re most <strong>upset<\/strong> about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Once you do that, you have options for how kids might improve and potentially see what went right in the game as well,&#8221;<\/em> she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After a game, it&#8217;s never a good idea to jump in the car and start micro-analyzing the game, Chansky says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Kids have told me they wish they could just drive home and not have to do the instant replay, the play by play of what just happened.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Heres_another_tip_for_increasing_kids_resiliency\"><\/span>Here&#8217;s another tip for increasing kids&#8217; resiliency:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When they say negative things about their performance, help them take a bigger-picture view. Ask them what would happen if their sports heroes applied the same harsh rules to themselves&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Would Mia Hamm think the same thing about herself if she missed a shot?&#8221;<\/em> Remind your young athletes that in sports, people,&nbsp;even the stars, make mistakes and lose. Tell them, <em>&#8220;Don&#8217;t equate&nbsp;your value as a player or a person with what happens in just one game.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When we spoke with Chansky, we discovered that the lessons she teaches as a child <strong>psychologist<\/strong> about overcoming losses are the same ones we teach at Kids&#8217; Sports Psychology:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Empathize_with_your_kids\"><\/span>Empathize with your kids.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Separate their value as people from their performance as players. Help them understand that everyone loses in sports from time to time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At Kids&#8217; Sports Psychology, we&#8217;ve got many, many more resources for helping young athletes feel successful and confident in sports. For starters, here&#8217;s an eBook that parents and kids can download:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Growing from Adversity: How to Stay Confident After Failure.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you&#8217;re already an exclusive Kids&#8217; Sports Psychology member, you get this eBook for free, along with many other resources, including:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Kids&#8217; Sports Psychology e-books:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Kick Fear of Failure and Perfectionism (for kids)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Appreciate Your Talents: How to Avoid Making Comparisons (for kids)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>12 Pre-game Tips to Help Kids Trust What They&#8217;ve Learned in Practice<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Teaching Young Athletes to Get in the Flow of Sports (for parents)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Post-Game Checklist for Parents: Boosting Kids&#8217; Confidence<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/tips-to-boost-kids-confidence-in-sports-and-life\/\"><strong>Tips To Boost Kids\u2019 Confidence In Sports And Life<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-build-confidence-in-sports-and-life\/\"><strong>Helping Kids Build Confidence\u2014In Sports and Life!<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-kids-worry-about-what-others-think-in-sports-and-life\/\"><strong>When Kids Worry About What Others Think\u2014In Sports and Life<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sports Kids And Moving on After Mistakes or Losses Does your young athlete say things like, &#8220;I can never hit a good one,&#8221; or, &#8220;I&#8217;m always a terrible player,&#8221; or &#8220;Things never work out for me&#8221; after a tough game or competition? That&#8217;s a red flag, says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., &#8230; <a title=\"Teaching Young Athletes to Be Resilient\u2014in Sports and Life!\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-young-athletes-to-be-resilient-in-sports-and-life\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Teaching Young Athletes to Be Resilient\u2014in Sports and Life!\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3475,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,5,29,20,14,6],"tags":[62,63,61,44,60,253,59,397],"class_list":["post-166","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-balance-in-life","category-kids-in-sports","category-positive-feedback-for-kids","category-youth-sports-coaching","category-youth-sports-podcast","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-athlete-resilience","tag-handling-adversity","tag-kids-and-sports-psychology","tag-letting-go-of-mistakes","tag-positive-thinking","tag-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-resilience","tag-young-athlete","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=166"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3475"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=166"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=166"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=166"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}