{"id":1697,"date":"2012-06-12T17:12:30","date_gmt":"2012-06-12T17:12:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=1697"},"modified":"2025-08-07T07:21:10","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T11:21:10","slug":"how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Help Kids Be \u201cWinning\u201d Losers in Youth Sports"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Making_The_Most_Out_of_Losses\"><\/span>Making The Most Out of Losses<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports\/#Making_The_Most_Out_of_Losses\" >Making The Most Out of Losses<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports\/#But_its_important_to_look_at_failure_and_losing_in_different_ways\" >But it\u2019s important to look at failure and losing in different ways.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports\/#To_listen_to_the_first_half_of_this_interview_use_the_player_below\" >To listen to the first half of this interview, use the player below:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports\/#Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\" >Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports\/#Improve_Your_Mental_Game_From_Anywhere_In_The_World\" >Improve Your Mental Game From Anywhere In The World<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignleft is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/youth-sports-podcast-new.jpg\" alt=\"Ultimate Sports Parent Podcast\" class=\"wp-image-3780\" style=\"width:152px;height:auto\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/youth-sports-podcast-new.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/10\/youth-sports-podcast-new-150x150.jpg 150w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>How can you teach your kids to make the most out of losses? Lots of ways, says Frank J. Sileo, Ph.D, a <strong>psychologist<\/strong> with more than 16 years\u2019 experience working with kids and families, and the author of&nbsp;<em>\u201cSally Sore Loser: &nbsp;A Story about Winning and Losing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, you need to understand how important it is for your young athletes to make mistakes and lose\u2014then learn from their experience, he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWe don\u2019t adequately prepare kids for future losses and disappointment,\u201d<\/em> says Sileo. If children never make mistakes, and never fail, they\u2019re often devastated when, as adults, things don\u2019t go their way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, he says, <em>\u201cAs adults, we don\u2019t always get accepted to the college of our choice, we don\u2019t always marry the fist person we fall in love with. We need to teach kids how to be good losers and what to learn from \u2018We didn\u2019t come in first that time,\u2019\u201d<\/em> he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Too often, however, parents buy into our culture\u2019s \u201cWe have to win at all costs\u201d <strong>focus.<\/strong> Too often, parents think that if their children fail, they are failures themselves. So they try to prevent losses in their kids\u2019 lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"gb-headline gb-headline-1ceb2e8d gb-headline-text\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"But_its_important_to_look_at_failure_and_losing_in_different_ways\"><\/span>But it\u2019s important to look at failure and losing in different ways.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cFailure is an opportunity to get your children to look at themselves,\u201d<\/em> says Sileo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Playing sports is a great way to do just that and learn important life skills, says Sileo. Those skills include working hard, coping with losing, re-evaluating <strong>goals<\/strong> and continuing to persevere in the face of adversity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWe are a culture of \u2018Number One,\u2019\u201d<\/em> Sileo says. <em>\u201cKids need to accept losing. It helps build character and humility and perseverance and helps kids cope with losing in the future.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To best help your kids with losses, you need to first of all be a good role model. That means you don\u2019t want to yell from the sidelines, argue with the refs, or yell at the coach if your players aren\u2019t getting enough playing time. If you have a problem with a coach or ref, you need to approach them politely, at the appropriate moment\u2014not in the heat of the moment, Sileo says. What\u2019s more, you should be as positive as possible with your sports kids.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cTeach them to improve their skills, play fairly, and have fun,\u201d<\/em> he says. And when they\u2019re upset with losses, explain that everyone makes mistakes. Work with your young athletes to re-evaluate their goals and understand what went wrong and how to perform better next time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is there anything positive they can take away from their losses? For example, maybe your kids learned about a weakness that wasn\u2019t obvious, and now know they need to work on this weakness. Maybe they connected with team-mates in ways they hadn\u2019t connected with them before. These are the \u201cwins\u201d you can find in losses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Want to learn more about how to be the best sports parents possible and how to <strong>improve<\/strong> your kids\u2019 performance and enjoyment in sports?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here at Kids\u2019 Sports Psychology, we have many resources for you. First of all, exclusive members can listen to our interview with Sileo here:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Listen To The Entire Interview with Sileo at Kids&#8217; Sports Psychology<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"To_listen_to_the_first_half_of_this_interview_use_the_player_below\"><\/span><strong>To listen to the first half of this interview, use the player below:<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Libsyn Player\" style=\"border: none\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/21565427\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/forward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/4188b5\/\" height=\"90\" width=\"100%\" scrolling=\"no\"  allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\"><\/span>Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-kids-can-learn-to-make-the-most-of-mistake-while-competing\/\"><strong>How Kids Can Learn to Make the Most of Mistakes While Competing<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/addressing-anxiety-mistakes-and-low-confidence-in-youth-sports\/\"><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-overcome-losses-in-sports\/\"><strong>Helping Kids Overcome Losses in Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/parent-communication-with-sports-kids-who-lash-out-after-losses\/\"><strong>Parent Communication with Sports Kids Who Lash Out<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Improve_Your_Mental_Game_From_Anywhere_In_The_World\"><\/span><strong>Improve Your Mental Game From Anywhere In The World<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/mental-training-for-young-athletes.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6868\" style=\"width:138px;height:auto\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>We\u2019re certain that, as a parent,&nbsp;you want to help your child develop confidence and discipline in sports and life.&nbsp;And as a sports parent, you\u2019d love for your children to reach their potential in sports.&nbsp;But encouraging your child to <strong>strive for greatness without pressuring them<\/strong> can be a challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can get expert mental coaching with us from anywhere. Meet with us via Zoom, Skype, FaceTime or phone call. With today\u2019s video technology, we are able to connect with athletes and coaches all over the globe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Call Us Today to Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Session.<\/strong><br><strong>Find Out How Your Athlete Can Benefit From One-on-One Mental Coaching!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Making The Most Out of Losses How can you teach your kids to make the most out of losses? Lots of ways, says Frank J. Sileo, Ph.D, a psychologist with more than 16 years\u2019 experience working with kids and families, and the author of&nbsp;\u201cSally Sore Loser: &nbsp;A Story about Winning &#8230; <a title=\"How to Help Kids Be \u201cWinning\u201d Losers in Youth Sports\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-help-kids-be-winning-losers-in-youth-sports\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about How to Help Kids Be \u201cWinning\u201d Losers in Youth Sports\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3780,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,14,6],"tags":[199,98,309,159],"class_list":["post-1697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sports-parent-podcast","category-youth-sports-podcast","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-boosting-athletes-confidence","tag-confidence-in-sports-kids","tag-confidence-in-youth-sports","tag-confidence-killers-for-athletes"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1697","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1697"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1697\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3780"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1697"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1697"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1697"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}