{"id":221,"date":"2009-08-28T00:01:28","date_gmt":"2009-08-28T00:01:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=221"},"modified":"2025-08-11T05:48:03","modified_gmt":"2025-08-11T09:48:03","slug":"when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/","title":{"rendered":"When Your Sports Kid\u2019s Confidence is Low Because Friends Excel"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3461\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Sports_Kids_And_Making_Comparisons\"><\/span>Sports Kids&#8217; And Making Comparisons<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_83 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/#Sports_Kids_And_Making_Comparisons\" >Sports Kids&#8217; And Making Comparisons<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/#Making_comparisons_to_other_athletes_hurts_kids_confidence\" >Making comparisons to other athletes hurts kids\u2019 confidence.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/#The_key_to_helping_kids_stop_focusing_on_others_talents\" >The key to helping kids stop focusing on others\u2019 talents.<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/#Other_examples\" >Other examples:<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>What do you do when your young athlete\u2019s <strong>confidence <\/strong>sinks every time a talented friend or teammate excels in sports?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is a common problem for young athletes. Kids are social beings\u2014and they tend to compare themselves to their friends. But in sports, this is a bad thing to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Making_comparisons_to_other_athletes_hurts_kids_confidence\"><\/span>Making comparisons to other athletes hurts kids\u2019 confidence<strong>.<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s one sports parent whose athlete struggles with this problem:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cMy daughter is a sprinter, long jumper and hurdler. She lacks <strong>confidence<\/strong> generally, in particular because a friend seems to be a natural at everything and beats her. Her friend has done hurdles once and already beaten my daughter\u2019s best time, which has shattered her self-confidence. How do I build her <strong>confidence<\/strong> back up?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, it\u2019s critical to help young athletes stop comparing themselves to their friends. Easy to say, not so easy to do! That\u2019s why you need to read on for this week&#8217;s tips\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_key_to_helping_kids_stop_focusing_on_others_talents\"><\/span>The key to helping kids stop focusing on others\u2019 talents.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Help them <strong>focus<\/strong> on their own abilities and strengths. Make sure they <strong>focus<\/strong> on their own game\u2014and not others\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To understand the problem, let\u2019s begin with the example above&#8230;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The sports parent\u2019s daughter has a talented friend. When kids have talented friends, they tend to judge themselves against very high standards&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They then become <strong>frustrated<\/strong> when they don\u2019t meet these high standards, which are based on their gifted friends\u2019 abilities\u2014not their own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In short, they<strong> focus<\/strong> so much on the other person that they forget what important traits they\u2019re bringing to the game or event. They\u2019re psyching themselves out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Other_examples\"><\/span><strong>Other examples:<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h5>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>They are jealous and lose confidence when kids who play at the same level perform better than they do.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>They\u2019re jealous of siblings who perform well.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>They worry that a taller, brawnier or bigger player might beat them.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>They\u2019re intimidated when they play teams that have a high win record.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Okay, so how do you help these kids <strong>focus<\/strong> on their own abilities and their own game?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, it\u2019s important for young athletes to understand the pitfalls of comparing themselves to others. Comparisons generally hurt both their performance and <strong>confidence<\/strong>. They need to commit to stop making comparisons for these reasons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just as important, it\u2019s critical for kids to <strong>focus<\/strong> on what&#8217;s important. They need to <strong>focus <\/strong>on their own <strong>warm-up routine.<\/strong> They need to think about what they should do to perform well. They should not look at their opponents before a game and make comparisons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Tell your young athletes they shouldn\u2019t put other players on a pedestal. This psyches kids out. They\u2019re in awe of the other players. Understand that all the players are only human. They&#8217;re not perfect, either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Tell them to think about their own strengths and abilities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What\u2019s unique about their style?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Are they good team players?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Good kickers?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do they excel at passing the ball?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>They need to focus on their <strong>strengths<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/\"><strong>Help Sports Kids Turn Comparisons into Growth &amp; Comradery<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/athletes-who-make-comparisons-and-how-parents-contribute\/\"><strong>Athletes Who Make Comparisons And How Parents Contribute<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/\"><strong>Why Kids\u2019 Self-Confidence Suffers When Sports Parents Make Comparisons<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a> <\/strong>on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sports Kids&#8217; And Making Comparisons What do you do when your young athlete\u2019s confidence sinks every time a talented friend or teammate excels in sports? This is a common problem for young athletes. Kids are social beings\u2014and they tend to compare themselves to their friends. But in sports, this is &#8230; <a title=\"When Your Sports Kid\u2019s Confidence is Low Because Friends Excel\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-your-sports-kids-confidence-is-low-because-friends-excel\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about When Your Sports Kid\u2019s Confidence is Low Because Friends Excel\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3467,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,7,6],"tags":[64,53,55,133,404,253,117],"class_list":["post-221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-confidence-in-young-athletes","category-sports-psychology-for-kids","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-confidence","tag-focus","tag-intimidation","tag-jealousy","tag-kids-confidence-in-sports","tag-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-youth-sports-psychology","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/221","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=221"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/221\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3467"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=221"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=221"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=221"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}