{"id":233,"date":"2009-09-15T23:22:40","date_gmt":"2009-09-15T23:22:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=233"},"modified":"2025-08-08T01:47:00","modified_gmt":"2025-08-08T05:47:00","slug":"high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/","title":{"rendered":"High Expectations and Anger in Youth Sports"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3640\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Young_Athletes_And_Keeping_Composure\"><\/span>Young Athletes And Keeping Composure<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/#Young_Athletes_And_Keeping_Composure\" >Young Athletes And Keeping Composure<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/#Its_also_important_for_coaches_to_understand_parents_goals\" >It\u2019s also important for coaches to understand parents\u2019 goals.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/#High_expectations_undermine_players_performance_in_many_ways\" >High expectations undermine players\u2019 performance in many ways.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/#Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\" >Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/#The_Composed_Sports_Kid\" >The Composed Sports Kid<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>As sports parents, it\u2019s your job to understand anger management.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s because anger erupts too often on the field or in the gym\u2014and it\u2019s always disruptive and destructive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That\u2019s the word from Joe Bouffard, director of the Youth Football Coaches Association, a group that teaches coaches\u2014among other things\u2014how to handle <strong>anger<\/strong> in <strong>youth sports.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cUnfortunately, <strong>anger management<\/strong> needs to be addressed in all aspects of <strong>youth sports.<\/strong> There are a lot of negative things being revealed in the media. Coaches are often yelling, and parents are negative,\u201d<\/em> he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First of all, coaches need to understand why kids get angry, he says. That means asking their athletes the right questions. Parents can help in this process by filling in coaches about their own kids\u2019 triggers and background.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cWe have to figure out what makes each kid work and how to diffuse them if they get too hot. These wires could be triggered by issues at home, problems at school, or missing their medication.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;There is a lot that we as coaches have to be aware of with these kids,\u201d <\/em>he says.<em> \u201cKids will be kids and coaches have to be able to handle their individuality and their reactions.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bouffard\u2019s association suggests coaches call for a pre-season meeting. Coaches should ask young athletes to write down their <strong>goals<\/strong>. These provide critical clues about why certain kids might be more likely to become angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cYou can begin to understand where these kids are coming from and why they are the way they are,\u201d<\/em> he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Its_also_important_for_coaches_to_understand_parents_goals\"><\/span>It\u2019s also important for coaches to understand parents\u2019 goals.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cIf parents want their 8-year-old to win the Heisman Trophy, I know I have to handle these parents delicately and get them to understand what youth sports are about,\u201d<\/em> he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here at Kids\u2019 Sports Psychology and the Ultimate Sports Parent, we\u2019ve found that kids with <strong>high expectations<\/strong>\u2014whether these expectations come from parents or from the kids themselves\u2014are more likely to get angry. If they can\u2019t achieve their own high standards, they get frustrated and angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>One way to help these young athletes with high expectations is to tell them it\u2019s okay to make mistakes,&#8221;<\/em> says Bouffard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If the young athlete keeps making the mistake, coaches can try to find a different way to help the athlete. For example, the athlete may need to learn by watching a video, or by talking with the coach after practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One example: <em>\u201cMy quarterback threw an interception. I told him to shake it off but I could tell he was still thinking about it. He wanted to be perfect. I had to tell him that it is okay to make mistakes. I could see he was obsessing over the mistake and it wouldn\u2019t help to dwell on it for the rest of the game,\u201d<\/em> he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"High_expectations_undermine_players_performance_in_many_ways\"><\/span>High expectations undermine players\u2019 performance in many ways.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If they become frustrated or angry, they don\u2019t perform well. Their <strong>confidence<\/strong> suffers. To help kids with <strong>high expectations,<\/strong> start with your own expectations. Are they too high? Are you pushing on your children some of your own dreams?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Also, be careful what you tell them just before they perform. Even if you\u2019re kidding when you say,<em> \u201cGo out there and score nine goals,\u201d<\/em> they might take you seriously and take this goal on as their own! It\u2019s best to say, <em>\u201cGo out there and have fun.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\"><\/span>Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-set-standards-of-excellence-for-young-athletes\/\"><strong>How to Set Standards of Excellence for Young Athletes\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-youth-sports-feels-toxic-athletes-need-these-skills\/\"><strong>When Youth Sports Feels Toxic, Athletes Need These Skills\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-sports-kids-mental-game-affects-college-recruitment\/\"><strong>How Sports Kids\u2019 Mental Game Affects College Recruitment<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Composed_Sports_Kid\"><\/span>The Composed Sports Kid<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/composed-sports-kid-small-1.jpg\" alt=\"The Composed Sports Kid\" class=\"wp-image-11173\" style=\"width:170px\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>&#8220;The Composed Sports Kid&#8221; audio&nbsp;and workbook digital download program for young athletes and their parents or coach helps kids cope with frustration and anger in sports. Help your sports kids learn how to manage expectations and let go of mistakes so they can keep their head in the game.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em><strong>The Composed Sports Kid system<\/strong><\/em>&nbsp;is really two programs in one\u2013one program to train parents and coaches how to help their kids practice composure, and one program that teaches young athletes\u2013<em>ages 6 to 13<\/em>\u2013how to improve composure, let go of mistakes quickly, have more self-acceptance,&nbsp;<strong>and thus enjoy sports more<\/strong>!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-26bcd9b3\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-903b6244 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/the-confident-sports-kid-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-3275f4fd gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/collections\/confident-sports-kid-series-digital-version\/products\/the-confident-sports-kid-bundle-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Young Athletes And Keeping Composure As sports parents, it\u2019s your job to understand anger management. That\u2019s because anger erupts too often on the field or in the gym\u2014and it\u2019s always disruptive and destructive. That\u2019s the word from Joe Bouffard, director of the Youth Football Coaches Association, a group that teaches &#8230; <a title=\"High Expectations and Anger in Youth Sports\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about High Expectations and Anger in Youth Sports\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3639,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,18,6],"tags":[406,45,68,49,253,117],"class_list":["post-233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sports-psychology-for-kids","category-young-athletes-pressure","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-anger","tag-emotional-control","tag-high-expectations","tag-pressure","tag-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-youth-sports-psychology","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=233"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/233\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3639"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}