{"id":262,"date":"2009-10-15T12:00:26","date_gmt":"2009-10-15T12:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=262"},"modified":"2025-08-08T01:31:21","modified_gmt":"2025-08-08T05:31:21","slug":"when-kids-self-esteem-suffers-after-they-lose","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-kids-self-esteem-suffers-after-they-lose\/","title":{"rendered":"When Kids\u2019 Self-Esteem Suffers After They Lose"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-should-young-athletes-start-mental-training-and-why.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" class=\"wp-image-3646\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-should-young-athletes-start-mental-training-and-why.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-should-young-athletes-start-mental-training-and-why-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Separating_Self-Esteem_And_Winning_in_Sports\"><\/span>Separating Self-Esteem And Winning in Sports<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_83 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-kids-self-esteem-suffers-after-they-lose\/#Separating_Self-Esteem_And_Winning_in_Sports\" >Separating Self-Esteem And Winning in Sports<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-kids-self-esteem-suffers-after-they-lose\/#How_do_you_as_sports_parents_help_kids_who_link_their_self-esteem_with_winning_in_sports\" >How do you as sports parents help kids who link their self-esteem with winning in sports?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-kids-self-esteem-suffers-after-they-lose\/#Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\" >Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-kids-self-esteem-suffers-after-they-lose\/#The_Composed_Sports_Kid\" >The Composed Sports Kid<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>Colton, a motocross racer, has lots of <strong>confidence<\/strong>. But he hates to lose. He hates to lose so much that it takes up to a day to recover after a losing, he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here at the Ultimate Sports Parent and Kids\u2019 Sports Psychology, we think it\u2019s okay to be <strong>competitive,<\/strong> like Colton. It <strong>motivates<\/strong> kids to work hard in practice and game situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But when they\u2019re so <strong>focused<\/strong> on winning that it takes them up to a day to recover from a loss, they likely link their self-worth to winning. That\u2019s not the best scenario. When Colton loses, his <strong>self-esteem<\/strong> suffers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Kids should not link their self-esteem with winning. These types of kids are often devastated when they suffer injuries and need to take a break from sports. Take away sports, they struggle with their role identity &#8212; it\u2019s hard for them to know who they are!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Kids\u2019 <strong>self-esteem<\/strong> should be based on who they are as people\u2014not as players.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_do_you_as_sports_parents_help_kids_who_link_their_self-esteem_with_winning_in_sports\"><\/span>How do you as sports parents help kids who link their self-esteem with winning in sports?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Begin by helping kids define their \u201c<strong>self-concept<\/strong>.\u201d This is a way of helping kids learn who they are outside of sports. Ask your kids to identify traits that describe them outside of sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ask two or three other people close to your kids to also identify some traits. Use this information to help your kids develop a strong sense of <strong>self-concept<\/strong> that is based on their personal traits\u2014not on achievement in sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ask your kids to think about self-worth based on what they identified above. And most important, be clear that no matter how well or poorly your sports kids perform, they are still they same people and you love them unconditionally! You should also try to avoid <strong>focusing<\/strong> too much on winning, or the score.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\"><\/span>Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/can-sports-improve-self-esteem\/\"><strong>Can Sports Improve Young Athletes\u2019 Self-Esteem?<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-youth-sports-feels-toxic-athletes-need-these-skills\/\"><strong>When Youth Sports Feels Toxic, Athletes Need These Skills\u00a0<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-youth-sports-coaches-can-build-resilience-in-kids\/\"><strong>How Youth Sports Coaches Can Build Resilience in Kids<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to<strong>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to<strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a> <\/strong>on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Composed_Sports_Kid\"><\/span>The Composed Sports Kid<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/composed-sports-kid-small-1.jpg\" alt=\"The Composed Sports Kid\" class=\"wp-image-11173\" style=\"width:170px\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>&#8220;The Composed Sports Kid&#8221; audio&nbsp;and workbook digital download program for young athletes and their parents or coach helps kids cope with frustration and anger in sports. Help your sports kids learn how to manage expectations and let go of mistakes so they can keep their head in the game.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em><strong>The Composed Sports Kid system<\/strong><\/em>&nbsp;is really two programs in one\u2013one program to train parents and coaches how to help their kids practice composure, and one program that teaches young athletes\u2013<em>ages 6 to 13<\/em>\u2013how to improve composure, let go of mistakes quickly, have more self-acceptance,&nbsp;<strong>and thus enjoy sports more<\/strong>!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-26bcd9b3\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-903b6244 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/the-confident-sports-kid-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-3275f4fd gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/collections\/confident-sports-kid-series-digital-version\/products\/the-confident-sports-kid-bundle-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Separating Self-Esteem And Winning in Sports Colton, a motocross racer, has lots of confidence. But he hates to lose. He hates to lose so much that it takes up to a day to recover after a losing, he says. Here at the Ultimate Sports Parent and Kids\u2019 Sports Psychology, we &#8230; <a title=\"When Kids\u2019 Self-Esteem Suffers After They Lose\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-kids-self-esteem-suffers-after-they-lose\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about When Kids\u2019 Self-Esteem Suffers After They Lose\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3638,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,6],"tags":[47,253,50,79,117],"class_list":["post-262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perfectionism-in-sports","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-perfectionism","tag-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-self-confidence","tag-self-esteem","tag-youth-sports-psychology","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/262","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=262"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/262\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3638"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=262"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=262"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=262"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}