{"id":355,"date":"2010-02-04T01:56:45","date_gmt":"2010-02-04T01:56:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=355"},"modified":"2025-08-07T07:11:30","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T11:11:30","slug":"how-coaches-and-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-coaches-and-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"How Parents&#8217; Expectations Hurt Athletes&#8217; Confidence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3644\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/how-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/how-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/how-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_Expectations_Create_Pressure_in_Sports_Kids\"><\/span>How Expectations Create&nbsp;Pressure in Sports Kids<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-coaches-and-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence\/#How_Expectations_Create_Pressure_in_Sports_Kids\" >How Expectations Create&nbsp;Pressure in Sports Kids<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-coaches-and-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence\/#How_do_parents_and_coaches_expectations_affect_kids_passion_and_interest\" >How do parents\u2019 and coaches\u2019 expectations affect kids\u2019 passion and interest?<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-coaches-and-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-coaches-and-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>Youth coach Doug Donaldson says he knows intuitively when one of his young athletes<strong> feels pressured by a parent\u2019s expectations<\/strong>. And he also knows the problems such well-meaning <strong>expectations<\/strong> can create in young athletes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, one of his player\u2019s mothers wants the child to play goalie in Lacrosse. But when the mother isn\u2019t listening, the boy says he wants to play defense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cIt\u2019s a real quandary for him. He\u2019s looking for Mom and worrying about what Mom thinks.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Donaldson says he can sense when his young athletes are driven to do something to meet their parents\u2019 expectations. They feel pressured.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cThis affects their passion and their interest,\u201d<\/em> he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_do_parents_and_coaches_expectations_affect_kids_passion_and_interest\"><\/span>How do parents\u2019 and coaches\u2019 expectations affect kids\u2019 passion and interest?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Not in good ways. Not in ways that improve their <strong>mental game<\/strong>&#8211;or performance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Parents and coaches need to understand the difference between helping kids strive for a goal and placing expectations on them&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When kids strive for a goal, it\u2019s a continuous <strong>process<\/strong> and the <strong>goal<\/strong> is not set in stone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When parents place expectations on kids, they\u2019re pressuring them. Even the phrase,&nbsp;<em>\u201cScore 10 or more points today,\u201d<\/em> as well-meaning as it might be, will feel like pressure to kids. They\u2019ll take on such expectations as their own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Too often, parents and coaches demand <strong>perfection<\/strong>. They don\u2019t want kids to make mistakes, and berate them for making mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you ask the kids, they\u2019ll tell you that these types of expectations cause them to feel afraid of making mistakes and failing. And, as we\u2019ve told our readers over and over, this isn\u2019t a good thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When kids develop <strong>fear of failure or fear of mistakes<\/strong>, they play tentatively. They don\u2019t want to take risks. They play a controlled game and perform badly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/sports-parents-learn-from-simone-biles-twisties-during-the-olympics\/\"><strong>Sports Parents: Learn from Simone Biles\u2019 \u201cTwisties\u201d During the Olympics?<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-sports-parents-can-help-kids-relax\/\"><strong>How Sports Parents Can Help Kids Relax<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/sports-parents-anger-and-frustration-hurts-kids\/\"><strong>Sports Parents\u2019 Anger and Frustration Hurts Kids<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How Expectations Create&nbsp;Pressure in Sports Kids Youth coach Doug Donaldson says he knows intuitively when one of his young athletes feels pressured by a parent\u2019s expectations. And he also knows the problems such well-meaning expectations can create in young athletes. For example, one of his player\u2019s mothers wants the child &#8230; <a title=\"How Parents&#8217; Expectations Hurt Athletes&#8217; Confidence\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-coaches-and-parents-expectations-hurt-athletes-confidence\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about How Parents&#8217; Expectations Hurt Athletes&#8217; Confidence\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3643,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,35,18,6],"tags":[94,67,93,95,47,265,49,253],"class_list":["post-355","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perfectionism-in-sports","category-pressure-from-parents","category-young-athletes-pressure","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-coach-expectations-for-kids","tag-fear-of-failure","tag-fear-of-mistakes","tag-parents-expectations-for-athletes","tag-perfectionism","tag-perfectionism-in-sports","tag-pressure","tag-youth-sports-psychology-blog","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/355","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=355"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/355\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3643"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=355"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=355"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=355"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}