{"id":42,"date":"2008-01-14T21:58:42","date_gmt":"2008-01-14T21:58:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=42"},"modified":"2025-08-08T06:08:44","modified_gmt":"2025-08-08T10:08:44","slug":"when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes\/","title":{"rendered":"When Positive Encouragement Backfires in Young Athletes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3461\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_To_Handle_Positive_Encouragement\"><\/span>How To Handle Positive Encouragement<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes\/#How_To_Handle_Positive_Encouragement\" >How To Handle Positive Encouragement<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes\/#I_focused_on_improvement_and_not_on_mistakes\" >I focused on improvement and not on mistakes.<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes\/#My_heart_sunk\" >My heart sunk.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes\/#Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\" >Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes\/#Improve_Your_Mental_Game_From_Anywhere_In_The_World\" >Improve Your Mental Game From Anywhere In The World<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>Hi, Dr. Cohn here from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\">The Ultimate Sports Parent<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This past weekend I took my 9-year-old daughter to play her 4th tennis tournament as a rookie. She played two matches total. She lost the first match, but stayed very <strong>composed.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Afterward, I did everything by the book (our book anyway)&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I stayed <strong>positive<\/strong> and reinforced what she did well after she lost the first match. I did not to show any negative emotion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I observed the cool down period. I avoided talking about the first match for a couple of hours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then, over lunch, I asked her what she thought about the match and what she could improve on during the next match.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She confirmed exactly what I was thinking. She said she was out-powered and she did not move well. She felt flat-footed, as if she wanted her opponent to hit every ball right to her!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I bit my lip during the match and did not say a word &#8211; <strong>positive<\/strong> or negative. I know that&#8217;s what she prefers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, this is when I put my <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\">sports parenting skills<\/a> into action&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Over lunch, I told her nicely how she could move better in the next match.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"I_focused_on_improvement_and_not_on_mistakes\"><\/span>I focused on improvement and not on mistakes.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Get to the center of the court quickly. Drop back when the ball is coming deep into her end. Be ready to hit the ball. All <strong>positive<\/strong> and appropriate suggestions&#8230; so I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She responded very well in the second match. She looked like a different player than in the first match. She moved very well and played well. She won a tight match 9-7 after being down 2-5 early. I thought it was a nice comeback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was very pleased to see her move so well in the match and told her so. Winning was secondary to the fact that she moved well and played to her ability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After the match I asked her what changed from the first match.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;I did not want to disappoint you again, so I tried harder,&#8221;<\/em> she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"My_heart_sunk\"><\/span>My heart sunk.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>I picked up on her comment quickly and told her she should play for herself and not worry about what I think or worry about disappointing me. I asked her about why she felt this way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;You told me what I needed to do better at lunch,&#8221;<\/em> she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;You did not have to tell me anything. I know what I had to do to <strong>improve,&#8221;<\/strong><\/em> she continued.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Wow&#8230;. I asked how I should handle it the next time she plays.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Just ask me what I think I should do next time. I know what I did wrong. I know what to do better.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What a great lesson for me as a <strong>sports parent.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought I was modeling <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\">The Ultimate Sports Parent<\/a>,&nbsp;but I learned that my young athlete can construe even the most <strong>positive<\/strong> instruction as demanding, disappointing, or criticism that she is not good enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I am interested in your comments (or challenges) about how you interact with your kids after a game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Please post your comments or questions about this article below.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\"><\/span>Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/creating-a-culture-of-connection-and-encouragement-in-youth-sports\/\"><strong>Creating a Culture of Connection and Encouragement in Youth Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/teaching-kids-courage-resilience-and-character-through-sports\/\"><strong>Teaching Kids Courage, Resilience and Character Through Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/building-confidence-in-kids-who-try-new-sports\/\"><strong>Building Confidence in Kids Who Try New Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to<strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a><\/strong> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Improve_Your_Mental_Game_From_Anywhere_In_The_World\"><\/span><strong>Improve Your Mental Game From Anywhere In The World<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/mental-training-for-young-athletes.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6868\" style=\"width:138px;height:auto\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>We\u2019re certain that, as a parent,&nbsp;you want to help your child develop confidence and discipline in sports and life.&nbsp;And as a sports parent, you\u2019d love for your children to reach their potential in sports.&nbsp;But encouraging your child to <strong>strive for greatness without pressuring them<\/strong> can be a challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can get expert mental coaching with us from anywhere. Meet with us via Zoom, Skype, FaceTime or phone call. With today\u2019s video technology, we are able to connect with athletes and coaches all over the globe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Call Us Today to Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Session.<\/strong><br><strong>Find Out How Your Athlete Can Benefit From One-on-One Mental Coaching!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How To Handle Positive Encouragement Hi, Dr. Cohn here from The Ultimate Sports Parent. This past weekend I took my 9-year-old daughter to play her 4th tennis tournament as a rookie. She played two matches total. She lost the first match, but stayed very composed. Afterward, I did everything by &#8230; <a title=\"When Positive Encouragement Backfires in Young Athletes\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/when-positive-encouragement-backfires-in-young-athletes\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about When Positive Encouragement Backfires in Young Athletes\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3467,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,17,6,12],"tags":[173,117],"class_list":["post-42","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kids-in-sports","category-sports-parenting","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","category-youth-sports-tips","tag-tips-for-sports-parents","tag-youth-sports-psychology","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3467"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}