{"id":44,"date":"2008-01-23T18:24:27","date_gmt":"2008-01-23T18:24:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=44"},"modified":"2025-08-08T05:54:16","modified_gmt":"2025-08-08T09:54:16","slug":"confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism\/","title":{"rendered":"Confessions of a Sports Mom Who Fueled Her Son&#8217;s Perfectionism"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3453\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Sports_Kids_And_High_Expectations\"><\/span>Sports Kids And High Expectations<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism\/#Sports_Kids_And_High_Expectations\" >Sports Kids And High Expectations<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism\/#This_would_cause_him_to_tense_up_perform_tentatively_and_under-perform\" >This would cause him to tense up, perform tentatively, and under-perform.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>Lisa Cohn here from The Ultimate Sports Parent. I&#8217;m here to make a confession&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When my son was in 9<sup>th<\/sup> grade, he&#8217;d often begin a basketball game with sky-high expectations. He was generally a successful player, and coaches and peers expected a lot from him. He excelled at making three-point shots.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Often, he wanted to break his own record and hit five three-point shots in one game. Or he expected to be the high scorer-and the top rebounder. He&#8217;d often tell me about what he expected of himself while we were driving to a game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I&#8217;d stupidly-I learned later-encourage him to embrace such high expectations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If he aimed for five three-point shots, I&#8217;d say, <em>&#8220;Come on, you can sink six!&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8230;Until I recruited my brother&#8211;a <strong>sports psychology expert<\/strong>&#8211;to get involved, I didn&#8217;t realize I was goofing up here in a big way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anyway, while we were in the car, my son didn&#8217;t complain much about the way I pushed him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, during the game, if he made two or three mistakes in the first few minutes, he&#8217;d tense up. He&#8217;d stop shooting and play scared. I could see that his main aim was to avoid making mistakes, rather than making the best of his creativity and talent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My son is not alone. My brother, Dr. Patrick Cohn, and I receive many emails from parents who offer similar observations about their young athletes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My son-and the young athletes of the parents who write us&#8211;displays the classic behavior of a <strong>perfectionist.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In my son&#8217;s case, he&#8217;d have high demands for his performance, and then if he couldn&#8217;t meet them, he&#8217;d become frustrated. He&#8217;d get scared about making mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"This_would_cause_him_to_tense_up_perform_tentatively_and_under-perform\"><\/span>This would cause him to tense up, perform tentatively, and under-perform.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>As a sports parent, I obviously had no clue at the time about how to deal with him. I made the mistake of fueling his perfectionism. I&#8217;d yell, &#8220;Shoot!&#8221; from the sidelines. When he came out of the game at the end of a quarter, I&#8217;d ask him what was up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Why aren&#8217;t you sinking your trademark three-pointers?&#8221;<\/em> I&#8217;d ask.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So would other parents on the team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Those three pointers are like money in the bank,&#8221;<\/em> one parent liked to say about my son&#8217;s shooting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When he heard these comments, my son would only expect more from himself. This often led to additional frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We want to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\">help other parents with perfectionist sports kids<\/a>, like my son. I know there are a lot of them out there because I see them everyday while I&#8217;m watching my kids play sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have asked my brother, Patrick, to help me develop <strong>&#8220;mental game&#8221;<\/strong> solutions for sports parents. I figure we&#8217;d make a great team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We collaborated on The Ultimate Sports Parent CD program. I&#8217;m a sports mom and stepmom to four young athletes (with one more future sports kid due in June), and I specialize in writing about parenting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Patrick (or you may know him as Dr. Cohn) is a <strong>sports psychology expert.<\/strong> He has been coaching athletes for years on <strong>mental game<\/strong> skills. He says he has some ideas about how to help my son and others like him. He just has to carve out some time in his busy schedule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As we work to develop solutions, I would like your input &#8211; if you are a parent of a <strong>&#8220;perfectionist&#8221;<\/strong> who&#8217;s afraid to make mistakes or if you coach this type of young athlete.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Please leave an anonymous comment below. Tell us all about your challenges you face with <strong>perfectionists<\/strong> as a parent or coach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Are your young athletes afraid of failing?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What are their fears about failing?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do they expect too much of themselves?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Do they become easily frustrated?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How do you try to cope with these challenges?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Let us know!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/high-expectations-and-anger-in-youth-sports\/\"><strong>High Expectations and Anger in Youth Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/goals-vs-expectations-for-kids\/\"><strong>Goals vs. Expectations for Kids<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-adults-shouldnt-heap-superstar-expectations-on-sports-kids\/\"><strong>Why Adults Shouldn\u2019t Heap Superstar Expectations<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sports Kids And High Expectations Lisa Cohn here from The Ultimate Sports Parent. I&#8217;m here to make a confession&#8230; When my son was in 9th grade, he&#8217;d often begin a basketball game with sky-high expectations. He was generally a successful player, and coaches and peers expected a lot from him. &#8230; <a title=\"Confessions of a Sports Mom Who Fueled Her Son&#8217;s Perfectionism\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/confessions-of-a-sports-mom-who-fueled-her-sons-perfectionism\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Confessions of a Sports Mom Who Fueled Her Son&#8217;s Perfectionism\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3460,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,27,19,17,6],"tags":[358,265,96,328],"class_list":["post-44","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perfectionism-in-sports","category-perfectionism-is-young-athletes","category-pressure-in-sports","category-sports-parenting","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-manage-perfectionism-in-young-athletes","tag-perfectionism-in-sports","tag-pressure-from-sports-parents","tag-sports-kids-and-perfectionism","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3460"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}