{"id":4769,"date":"2017-10-26T20:16:10","date_gmt":"2017-10-26T20:16:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=4769"},"modified":"2025-07-10T07:41:00","modified_gmt":"2025-07-10T11:41:00","slug":"helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Kids See the Good and Bad of Perfectionism in Sports"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-4771\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports-1.jpg\" alt=\"Perfectionists in Youth Sports\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports-1.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports-1-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How_Perfectionism_Can_Lead_to_Fear_of_Failure\"><\/span>How Perfectionism Can Lead to Fear of Failure<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/#How_Perfectionism_Can_Lead_to_Fear_of_Failure\" >How Perfectionism Can Lead to Fear of Failure<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/#Its_important_to_understand_that_perfectionism_in_sports_is_both_a_gift_and_a_curse\" >It\u2019s important to understand that perfectionism in sports is both a gift and a curse.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/#When_trying_to_over-compensate_by_trying_harder_to_be_perfect_they_end_up_playing_worse_instead\" >When trying to over-compensate by trying harder to be perfect, they end up playing worse instead.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/#The_Composed_Sports_Kid\" >The Composed Sports Kid<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>A sports parent writes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;My child is a 9-year old figure skater. She is very passionate with her sport but sometimes she tend to get very frustrated when she performs poorly in her program. Also, when she is performing well, her coach is very perfectionist and they will tell her tiny mistakes that would have made the program or element perfectly executed. She gets discouraged when she hears the corrections. How do I keep her focused and have more self-confidence?&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It sounds like your daughter is a <strong>perfectionist,<\/strong> and even worse, she\u2019s being pushed by her coaches to be a <strong>perfectionist.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Its_important_to_understand_that_perfectionism_in_sports_is_both_a_gift_and_a_curse\"><\/span>It\u2019s important to understand that perfectionism in sports is both a gift and a curse.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s a gift because <strong>perfectionists<\/strong> work hard and practice hard to improve. It\u2019s a curse because with <strong>perfectionism<\/strong> comes <strong>fear of failure<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Fear of failure<\/strong> will cause sports kids to try too hard, and they end up getting in their own way. They become <strong>frustrated<\/strong> when their <strong>high expectations<\/strong> are not met, and hurts their performance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Their <strong>self-confidence<\/strong> is undermined when these <strong>high expectations<\/strong> are repeatedly not met, and their performance suffers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This <strong>fear of failure<\/strong> will cause your children to <strong>worry<\/strong> so much about making mistakes and failing that it will <strong>CAUSE<\/strong> them to make <strong>mistakes<\/strong> and <strong>fail.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When <strong>perfectionists<\/strong> do not live up to their <strong>expectations,<\/strong> they feel like they are letting down not just themselves, but everyone around them. They feel that making mistakes is unacceptable so they <strong>over-compensate.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"When_trying_to_over-compensate_by_trying_harder_to_be_perfect_they_end_up_playing_worse_instead\"><\/span>When trying to over-compensate by trying harder to be perfect, they end up playing worse instead.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If your kids are <strong>perfectionists,<\/strong> you should support their work ethics while taking a look at their expectations, along with them. They should avoid any expectations that <strong>focus<\/strong> on results only, such as points scored or wins and losses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In fact, any <strong>goal<\/strong> that causes your children to become upset or lose <strong>confidence<\/strong> should be avoided. Leave statistics to the statisticians.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>While they may be good for reflection and analysis, they are not helpful for <strong>goal-setting<\/strong> in youth sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead, concentrate on <strong>process goals,<\/strong> which are goals involving the process of the sport. For example, instead of <strong>focusing<\/strong> on getting three steals a game, an outcome oriented goal, set a <strong>goal<\/strong> of staying between their opponent and the basket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This way, their <strong>goal<\/strong> is an in-game action instead of a result-oriented and potentially harmful goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/sports-parents-top-dilemma-program\/\"><strong>Helping Young Athletes Kick Perfectionism and Fear of Failure<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-free-sports-kids-from-the-bonds-of-perfectionism\/\"><strong>How To Free Sports Kids From The Bonds of Perfectionism<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-overcome-perfectionism-in-sports-peaksports-video\/\"><strong>How To Overcome Perfectionism In Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Composed_Sports_Kid\"><\/span>The Composed Sports Kid<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/composed-sports-kid-small-1.jpg\" alt=\"The Composed Sports Kid\" class=\"wp-image-11173\" style=\"width:170px\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>&#8220;The Composed Sports Kid&#8221; audio&nbsp;and workbook digital download program for young athletes and their parents or coach helps kids cope with frustration and anger in sports. Help your sports kids learn how to manage expectations and let go of mistakes so they can keep their head in the game.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em><strong>The Composed Sports Kid system<\/strong><\/em>&nbsp;is really two programs in one\u2013one program to train parents and coaches how to help their kids practice composure, and one program that teaches young athletes\u2013<em>ages 6 to 13<\/em>\u2013how to improve composure, let go of mistakes quickly, have more self-acceptance,&nbsp;<strong>and thus enjoy sports more<\/strong>!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-26bcd9b3\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-903b6244 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/the-confident-sports-kid-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-3275f4fd gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/collections\/confident-sports-kid-series-digital-version\/products\/the-confident-sports-kid-bundle-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How Perfectionism Can Lead to Fear of Failure A sports parent writes: &#8220;My child is a 9-year old figure skater. She is very passionate with her sport but sometimes she tend to get very frustrated when she performs poorly in her program. Also, when she is performing well, her coach &#8230; <a title=\"Helping Kids See the Good and Bad of Perfectionism in Sports\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Helping Kids See the Good and Bad of Perfectionism in Sports\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4772,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,28,27,292,18,6],"tags":[298,527],"class_list":["post-4769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-training","category-perfectionism-in-sports","category-perfectionism-is-young-athletes","category-sports-parents-success-tips","category-young-athletes-pressure","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-fear-of-failure-in-sports","tag-perfectionism-in-youth-sports"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4769","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4769"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4769\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4769"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4769"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4769"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}