{"id":5159,"date":"2019-03-29T14:11:33","date_gmt":"2019-03-29T14:11:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=5159"},"modified":"2025-08-11T05:31:00","modified_gmt":"2025-08-11T09:31:00","slug":"the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists\/","title":{"rendered":"The Expectations Trap for Perfectionists"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-5160\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists.png 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/03\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists-300x150.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Young_Athletes_who_are_Perfectionist\"><\/span>Young Athletes who are Perfectionist<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists\/#Young_Athletes_who_are_Perfectionist\" >Young Athletes who are Perfectionist<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists\/#It_looks_as_if_this_young_athlete_who_is_a_perfectionist%E2%80%A6\" >It looks as if this young athlete who is a perfectionist\u2026.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists\/#Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\" >Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists\/#Improve_Your_Mental_Game_From_Anywhere_In_The_World\" >Improve Your Mental Game From Anywhere In The World<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;I have a son, age 15. He is skilled in many sports at school. Rugby, Hockey, XC running and Athletics (sprint and long jump where he holds the school record in both these).&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;When he makes a mistake he can \u2018lose\u2019 it and can be seen to \u2018give in\u2019. In team sport it could be that he thinks he didn\u2019t make that tackle and should have, his head can go down and the opposing team can then score the try!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;In a school Cross Country race, all eyes were on him to win. He didn\u2019t, and on the finishing straight he was in second place. He stopped, let the guy behind him (quite a big gap so it seemed an eternity of a stop) overtake and came 3rd. He acted as if it was no big deal and he couldn\u2019t be bothered.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;What is happening and how can I help him overcome these moments\u2026.?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"It_looks_as_if_this_young_athlete_who_is_a_perfectionist%E2%80%A6\"><\/span>It looks as if this young athlete who is a <strong>perfectionist<\/strong>\u2026.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Perfectionists<\/strong> can have an incredible work ethic, but are far too hard on themselves and feel such a strong need to win, which can backfire at times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They often adopt a \u201c<strong>all or nothing<\/strong>\u201d mentality, which robs them of confidence and focus when they become frustrated with their performance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It sounds as if this young athlete wants a perfect performance (win) instead of having fun or performing his best in the race.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s important to work with sports kids like this one on overcoming <strong>expectations<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Perfectionists have extremely high <strong>expectations<\/strong> for their performance, which can cause them to lose confidence when not achieved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The ability to come back after getting passed in a race is important for any athlete to develop, and all or none thinkers can have a particularly hard time with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s common for <strong>perfectionists<\/strong> to give up when they get passed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Parents, ask yourselves if you have perfectionist tendencies that you may be imparting on your young athletes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you <strong>expect<\/strong> them to win every game or come in first in everything? Do you <strong>expect<\/strong> they have a mistake-free performance?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you communicate these expectations directly or indirectly?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You want your kids to focus on goals, but not have dire <strong>expectations<\/strong> for their performance\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Expectations<\/strong> lead to pressure. Goals help athletes strive to improve their games.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Encourage your athletes to focus on simple objectives, such as good footwork or fighting for a loose ball.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This will help them focus on the process and keep their heads in the game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You want young athletes to take a growth perspective by focusing on improving skills and striving for goals, such as being a good teammate, instead of focusing on statistics or outcomes!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Learn more by checking out our program for perfectionists and those who fear mistakes and failure:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Kids_Mental_Game\"><\/span>Related Articles on Kids&#8217; Mental Game:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-perfectionists-overcome-fragile-confidence\/\"><strong>Helping Perfectionists Overcome Fragile Confidence<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/addressing-anxiety-mistakes-and-low-confidence-in-youth-sports\/\"><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-perfectionists-sports-kids-struggle-in-sports\/\"><strong>Why Perfectionists Sports Kids Struggle in Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-one-coach-helped-a-perfectionist-athlete-with-some-help\/\"><strong>How One Coach Helped a Perfectionist Athlete<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Improve_Your_Mental_Game_From_Anywhere_In_The_World\"><\/span><strong>Improve Your Mental Game From Anywhere In The World<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/mental-training-for-young-athletes.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6868\" style=\"width:138px;height:auto\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>We\u2019re certain that, as a parent,&nbsp;you want to help your child develop confidence and discipline in sports and life.&nbsp;And as a sports parent, you\u2019d love for your children to reach their potential in sports.&nbsp;But encouraging your child to <strong>strive for greatness without pressuring them<\/strong> can be a challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can get expert mental coaching with us from anywhere. Meet with us via Zoom, Skype, FaceTime or phone call. With today\u2019s video technology, we are able to connect with athletes and coaches all over the globe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong>Call Us Today to Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Session.<\/strong><br><strong>Find Out How Your Athlete Can Benefit From One-on-One Mental Coaching!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Young Athletes who are Perfectionist &#8220;I have a son, age 15. He is skilled in many sports at school. Rugby, Hockey, XC running and Athletics (sprint and long jump where he holds the school record in both these).&#8221; &#8220;When he makes a mistake he can \u2018lose\u2019 it and can be &#8230; <a title=\"The Expectations Trap for Perfectionists\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-expectations-trap-for-perfectionists\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about The Expectations Trap for Perfectionists\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5161,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,35,295,6],"tags":[281],"class_list":["post-5159","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kids-in-sports","category-pressure-from-parents","category-sports-psychology-for-sports-parents-2","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-perfectionism-in-young-athletes"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5159","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5159"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5159\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5159"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5159"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5159"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}