{"id":7265,"date":"2021-12-02T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-12-02T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=7265"},"modified":"2025-07-09T04:59:13","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T08:59:13","slug":"help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/","title":{"rendered":"Help Sports Kids Turn Comparisons into Growth &#038; Comradery"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/mental-training-for-young-athletes-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/mental-training-for-young-athletes-1.jpg\" alt=\"Mental Coaching Youth Sports\" class=\"wp-image-6910\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/mental-training-for-young-athletes-1.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/mental-training-for-young-athletes-1-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Turning_Feeling_into_Goals\"><\/span>Turning Feeling into Goals<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/#Turning_Feeling_into_Goals\" >Turning Feeling into Goals<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/#She_decided_to_push_herself_and_along_the_way_push_her_friend_too\" >She decided to push herself, and along the way, push her friend, too.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/#Parents_should_validate_kids_feelings_when_theyre_making_comparisons\" >Parents should validate kids\u2019 feelings when they\u2019re making comparisons.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/#Listen_to_the_Full_Podcast\" >Listen to the Full Podcast:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/#The_Composed_Sports_Kid\" >The Composed Sports Kid<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>When Breanne Smedley was a college volleyball player, her roommate earned the role of starter in Smedley\u2019s position. Smedley, who is now a certified female athlete Confidence Coach, at first felt as if her friend shouldn\u2019t have gotten the position.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI started going down these holes of why I should get the position and she shouldn\u2019t,\u201d says Smedley.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But instead of following up on those feelings, she decided to handle the situation in a positive way. She let herself feel hurt and told herself she could either be a victim or do what she could to help herself and her team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"She_decided_to_push_herself_and_along_the_way_push_her_friend_too\"><\/span>She decided to push herself, and along the way, push her friend, too.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThe <strong>culture<\/strong> of the team was great. We pushed and pulled each other. We had this great dynamic,\u201d Smedley says. \u201cIt started with me making that choice. I was going to celebrate her success. When she was on the court, I wasn\u2019t going to hope she messed up. I gave her feedback, I pushed and challenged her in practice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ultimately, the two created a \u201c<strong>beautiful relationship<\/strong>.\u201d Smedley had a few opportunities to be the starter, and her friend was happy for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Too often in sports&#8211;especially girls\u2019 sports&#8211;this is not how the story unfolds. Comparisons are common, and they can hurt kids\u2019 confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhen females start to compare themselves to others, we get into our heads that there\u2019s a scarcity of success. If she has success, then there\u2019s less for me,\u201d she told us during an interview with the Ultimate Sports Parent podcast.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s human nature for girls&#8211;and boys&#8211;to make comparisons. It\u2019s important to acknowledge this. \u201cI have athletes tell themselves, \u2018If she can do it, it doesn\u2019t prove that I can\u2019t. It\u2019s proof that it\u2019s possible. The other person can be an inspiration,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Smedley helps girls ride the wave of their feelings&#8211;whether they\u2019re <strong>jealousy<\/strong> or <strong>disappointment<\/strong>&#8211;and suggests that they be curious about their feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThat can uncover things like \u2018I really worked hard for that. And I wanted that,\u2019\u201d she says. When kids come to these kinds of realizations, they\u2019re better able to set goals for themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Parents_should_validate_kids_feelings_when_theyre_making_comparisons\"><\/span>Parents should <strong>validate kids\u2019 feelings<\/strong> when they\u2019re making comparisons.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIf your daughter comes to you and says, \u2018Someone else got the position instead of me,\u2019 reiterate what she\u2019s trying to tell you, hold some space for her to feel it,\u201d she advises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Parents should help kids think about why the issue matters, and help them turn those feelings into goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cDon\u2019t say anything negative about the other person. Keep it productive, focus on your daughter and what she can be doing that\u2019s in her control, Help her understand she\u2019s great the way she is, and help her come up with an actionable way to work through this,\u201d says Smedley.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Listen_to_the_Full_Podcast\"><\/span>Listen to the Full Podcast:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Libsyn Player\" style=\"border: none\" src=\"\/\/html5-player.libsyn.com\/embed\/episode\/id\/21564281\/height\/90\/theme\/custom\/thumbnail\/yes\/direction\/forward\/render-playlist\/no\/custom-color\/4188b5\/\" height=\"90\" width=\"100%\" scrolling=\"no\"  allowfullscreen webkitallowfullscreen mozallowfullscreen oallowfullscreen msallowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/athletes-who-make-comparisons-and-how-parents-contribute\/\"><strong>Athletes Who Make Comparisons And How Parents Contribute<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/\"><strong>Why Kids\u2019 Self-Confidence Suffers When Sports Parents Make Comparisons<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-young-athletes-lose-confidence-with-comparisons\/\"><strong>How Young Athletes Lose Confidence with Comparisons<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-css-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Composed_Sports_Kid\"><\/span>The Composed Sports Kid<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/03\/composed-sports-kid-small-1.jpg\" alt=\"The Composed Sports Kid\" class=\"wp-image-11173\" style=\"width:170px\"\/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>&#8220;The Composed Sports Kid&#8221; audio&nbsp;and workbook digital download program for young athletes and their parents or coach helps kids cope with frustration and anger in sports. Help your sports kids learn how to manage expectations and let go of mistakes so they can keep their head in the game.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em><strong>The Composed Sports Kid system<\/strong><\/em>&nbsp;is really two programs in one\u2013one program to train parents and coaches how to help their kids practice composure, and one program that teaches young athletes\u2013<em>ages 6 to 13<\/em>\u2013how to improve composure, let go of mistakes quickly, have more self-acceptance,&nbsp;<strong>and thus enjoy sports more<\/strong>!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-26bcd9b3\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-903b6244 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/the-confident-sports-kid-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-3275f4fd gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/collections\/confident-sports-kid-series-digital-version\/products\/the-confident-sports-kid-bundle-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Turning Feeling into Goals When Breanne Smedley was a college volleyball player, her roommate earned the role of starter in Smedley\u2019s position. Smedley, who is now a certified female athlete Confidence Coach, at first felt as if her friend shouldn\u2019t have gotten the position. \u201cI started going down these holes &#8230; <a title=\"Help Sports Kids Turn Comparisons into Growth &#038; Comradery\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Help Sports Kids Turn Comparisons into Growth &#038; Comradery\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6907,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7265","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sports-parent-podcast","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7265","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7265"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7265\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6907"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7265"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7265"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7265"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}