{"id":791,"date":"2010-09-30T16:12:44","date_gmt":"2010-09-30T16:12:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=791"},"modified":"2025-08-07T06:15:14","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T10:15:14","slug":"the-frustration-and-heartache-of-parenting-a-sports-perfectionist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-frustration-and-heartache-of-parenting-a-sports-perfectionist\/","title":{"rendered":"The Frustration and Heartache of Parenting a Sports Perfectionist"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/sports-parents-share-stories-about-kids-perfectionism.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" class=\"wp-image-3458\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/sports-parents-share-stories-about-kids-perfectionism.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/11\/sports-parents-share-stories-about-kids-perfectionism-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Dealing_With_Perfectionism_in_Sports_Kids\"><\/span>Dealing With Perfectionism in Sports Kids<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_83 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-frustration-and-heartache-of-parenting-a-sports-perfectionist\/#Dealing_With_Perfectionism_in_Sports_Kids\" >Dealing With Perfectionism in Sports Kids<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-4' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-frustration-and-heartache-of-parenting-a-sports-perfectionist\/#As_weve_said_before_perfectionism_is_one_of_the_number_one_mental_game_challenges_sports_kids_face\" >As we\u2019ve said before, perfectionism is one of the number one mental game challenges sports kids face.<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-frustration-and-heartache-of-parenting-a-sports-perfectionist\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-frustration-and-heartache-of-parenting-a-sports-perfectionist\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>Just how <strong>frustrating<\/strong> is it for parents when a child isn\u2019t having fun in sports because he\u2019s a <strong>perfectionist<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A reader tells us:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cPractically all of the emails I have received from you (about perfectionism) could have been written about my son&#8230;.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;He is <strong>afraid of failure<\/strong> and <strong>afraid to make a mistake<\/strong>\u2026.He never seems happy, ever\u2026Needless to say, my husband and I are baffled, <strong>confused,<\/strong> frustrated and whatever other emotion comes along with it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This talented athlete has moments where he can\u2019t perform at all, the sports mom says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cHe was playing catcher on this team and all of a sudden he can&#8217;t throw the ball back to the pitcher from the catching position. It would go on the ground, over the pitcher\u2019s head, everywhere but to the pitcher.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"As_weve_said_before_perfectionism_is_one_of_the_number_one_mental_game_challenges_sports_kids_face\"><\/span>As we\u2019ve said before, <strong>perfectionism<\/strong> is one of the number one <strong>mental game challenges<\/strong> sports kids face.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Often these kids are great players. That\u2019s because <strong>perfectionists<\/strong> have a lot of <strong>positive<\/strong> qualities: They work very hard at improving their game and give 110%.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, they freeze up during <strong>competition.<\/strong> They hurt themselves by <strong>avoiding making mistakes<\/strong>. When they freeze up like this, they can\u2019t play with the ease, creativity and freedom that allow sports kids to excel and grow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Often, kids are <strong>perfectionists<\/strong> because they expect too much from themselves. Those <strong>expectations<\/strong> can come from people around them. That\u2019s true of this sports mom\u2019s son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because her son is very tall for his age\u20145 inches taller than his peers\u2014and a gifted athlete, his coaches expect a lot of him, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Here\u2019s the good news:<\/strong> You, as sports parents and coaches, can help perfectionists <strong>overcome their fears<\/strong> and make the most of their talents&#8230;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>First, you need to help kids identify the expectations that are causing them to expect so much of themselves. When kids have such <strong>high expectations<\/strong>, and then don\u2019t reach them, they become <strong>frustrated<\/strong> and freeze up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You need to then replace these <strong>expectations<\/strong> with <strong>manageable goals.<\/strong> These are generally smaller goals that aren\u2019t <strong>focused<\/strong> on the win or the score. For example, a young athlete might concentrate on getting three rebounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As parents, it\u2019s critical that you think hard about whether you expect too much from your young athlete. If you realize you do expect too much, try to change your behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Focus<\/strong> as much as possible on having fun. Avoid talk about the score or the win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/sports-parents-top-dilemma-program\/\"><strong>Helping Young Athletes Kick Perfectionism and Fear of Failure<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/\"><strong>Helping Kids See the Good and Bad of Perfectionism in Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-overcome-perfectionism-in-sports-peaksports-video\/\"><strong>How To Overcome Perfectionism In Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dealing With Perfectionism in Sports Kids Just how frustrating is it for parents when a child isn\u2019t having fun in sports because he\u2019s a perfectionist? A reader tells us: \u201cPractically all of the emails I have received from you (about perfectionism) could have been written about my son&#8230;.&#8221; &#8220;He is &#8230; <a title=\"The Frustration and Heartache of Parenting a Sports Perfectionist\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/the-frustration-and-heartache-of-parenting-a-sports-perfectionist\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about The Frustration and Heartache of Parenting a Sports Perfectionist\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3457,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,17,6],"tags":[67,47,46,251],"class_list":["post-791","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kids-in-sports","category-sports-parenting","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-fear-of-failure","tag-perfectionism","tag-sports-psychology","tag-youth-sports","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/791","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=791"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/791\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3457"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=791"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=791"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=791"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}