{"id":84,"date":"2009-05-19T23:15:57","date_gmt":"2009-05-19T23:15:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=84"},"modified":"2025-08-08T05:07:51","modified_gmt":"2025-08-08T09:07:51","slug":"one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/","title":{"rendered":"One Sports Parent&#8217;s Story About Perfectionism and The Mental Game"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/youth-teamwork.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/youth-teamwork.jpg\" alt=\"Hall of Fame Lacrosse Player\u2019s Teamwork Tips\" class=\"wp-image-9077\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/youth-teamwork.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/youth-teamwork-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Perfectionism_in_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Perfectionism in Youth Sports<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/#Perfectionism_in_Youth_Sports\" >Perfectionism in Youth Sports<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-5' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-5'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/#The_good_news_He_was_motivated_to_work_hard\" >The good news: He was motivated to work hard.<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-5'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/#The_bad_news\" >The bad news:<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-4'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/#Here_are_some_ideas_for_helping_young_athletes_overcome_perfectionism\" >Here are some ideas for helping young athletes overcome perfectionism:<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-5\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-6\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>We recently checked in with Jane, a tennis pro, and her son, Jeff, a Division I tennis player. Jane had a lot to say about the value of <strong>focusing<\/strong> on the <strong>&#8220;mental game.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why should you be interested in Jane&#8217;s story? Because it&#8217;s a classic example of a talented kid who&#8217;s his own worst enemy\u2014because of his <strong>mental game<\/strong>. Read on to learn how Jane and Jeff conquered this challenge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Early on in his tennis career, Jeff was a <strong>perfectionist<\/strong>, which helped his game in some ways and really hurt it in other ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_good_news_He_was_motivated_to_work_hard\"><\/span><strong>The good news:<\/strong> He was motivated to work hard.<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h5>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_bad_news\"><\/span><strong>The bad news:<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;I loved tennis so much, I wanted everything to be perfect,&#8221; <\/em>he says. &#8220;<em>I put so much pressure on myself to make everything right.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If things weren&#8217;t going Jeff&#8217;s way, he would get very angry, Jane says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;He would use so much of his energy and emotional energy trying to control himself. Usually by the second or third set he would run out of gas. It was almost like he wasn&#8217;t even trying. Like he had nothing left emotionally,&#8221;<\/em> she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Rather than <strong>focusing<\/strong> on his out-of-control feelings, Jeff would talk to his coach about his technical game, <strong>focusing<\/strong> on everything he was doing wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;It wasn&#8217;t the technical things that were hurting him,&#8221;<\/em> Jane says. <em>&#8220;It came to a point, about when he was 14, when he realized he had to spend more time on the mental side.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s when things started to turn around for Jeff. He learned how to visualize a good game and to <strong>focus <\/strong>more on the positive, among other things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In a very short time period, Jeff&#8217;s ranking jumped from fifth or sixth in Texas to first or second, Jane says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Once we realized it was more about preparing himself mentally and not physically, that&#8217;s when things turned around,&#8221; Jane says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Tennis pros tend to focus on the more technical part of tennis because that&#8217;s the part they can control, Jane says. &#8220;But now, a lot of top programs are focusing on the mental side.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Here_are_some_ideas_for_helping_young_athletes_overcome_perfectionism\"><\/span>Here are some ideas for helping young athletes overcome <strong>perfectionism<\/strong>:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Help your young athletes identify their high expectations<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Ask them to <strong>focus,<\/strong> like Jeff, on improving their game, rather than on winning every time and always being perfect<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Ask them to <strong>focus<\/strong> on <strong>manageable goals.<\/strong> A basketball player might <strong>focus<\/strong> on improving his free-throw percentage, for example. A soccer player might visualize stealing the ball.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/sports-parents-top-dilemma-program\/\"><strong>Helping Young Athletes Kick Perfectionism and Fear of Failure<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-kids-see-the-good-and-bad-of-perfectionism-in-sports\/\"><strong>Helping Kids See the Good and Bad of Perfectionism in Sports<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-to-free-sports-kids-from-the-bonds-of-perfectionism\/\"><strong>How To Free Sports Kids From The Bonds of Perfectionism<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<strong><a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/a> <\/strong>on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Perfectionism in Youth Sports We recently checked in with Jane, a tennis pro, and her son, Jeff, a Division I tennis player. Jane had a lot to say about the value of focusing on the &#8220;mental game.&#8221; Why should you be interested in Jane&#8217;s story? Because it&#8217;s a classic example &#8230; <a title=\"One Sports Parent&#8217;s Story About Perfectionism and The Mental Game\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/one-sports-parents-story-about-perfectionism-and-the-mental-game\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about One Sports Parent&#8217;s Story About Perfectionism and The Mental Game\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9078,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28,19,6],"tags":[47,49,253,46,48],"class_list":["post-84","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-perfectionism-in-sports","category-pressure-in-sports","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-perfectionism","tag-pressure","tag-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-sports-psychology","tag-trust","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=84"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/84\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9078"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=84"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=84"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=84"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}