{"id":930,"date":"2011-01-10T15:52:51","date_gmt":"2011-01-10T15:52:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=930"},"modified":"2025-08-07T05:47:47","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T09:47:47","slug":"why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Kids&#8217; Self-Confidence Suffers When Sports Parents Make Comparisons"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/helping-young-athletes-overcome-fear-of-failure.jpg\" alt=\"Youth Sports Psychology\" class=\"wp-image-3794\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/helping-young-athletes-overcome-fear-of-failure.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/12\/helping-young-athletes-overcome-fear-of-failure-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Parents_Comparing_Sports_Kids\"><\/span>Parents Comparing Sports Kids<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_83 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/#Parents_Comparing_Sports_Kids\" >Parents Comparing Sports Kids<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/#Dangers_of_Comparison\" >Dangers of Comparison<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sports parents, you need to stop making <strong>comparisons<\/strong>. Only then will your kids stop taking part in this <strong>confidence-busting<\/strong> activity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Ah, but it\u2019s so tempting to chat with your kids, spouse and neighbors about how Johnny\u2019s free-throw shot is a little crooked compared to your kids\u2019 shot, or how the coach seems to favor the kids next door over your own athlete. It\u2019s so tempting to compare your kids\u2019 scoring record to the other athletes\u2019 records.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">However, if you do this, your kids will likely do it, too. And we promise their <strong>confidence <\/strong>will suffer from making comparisons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A sports mom who recently wrote us has fallen into this trap. Her daughter is a top-notch volleyball player who was selected to play varsity as a freshman in high school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Other players, apparently jealous, started to exclude the player, and it hurt her <strong>confidence<\/strong>&#8211;understandably. But the comparisons are even taking place about who gets the most press:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>\u201cEven though her stats proved she was a top player, she didn&#8217;t receive any honors from the local papers or coaches. Some of the girls that did receive honors have family who work for the school system.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Clearly, this is not an ideal situation for this player or her family. However, comparing the player to others won\u2019t improve her <strong>performance<\/strong> or confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Dangers_of_Comparison\"><\/span>Dangers of Comparison<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Here\u2019s the problem:<\/strong> When kids make <strong>comparisons<\/strong> to others, they generally <strong>focus<\/strong> on what makes others better than they are. That makes them concentrate on their own weaknesses, which hurts their <strong>confidence<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In this case, the girl is in the unfortunate situation of being excluded by others and not getting the recognition she likely deserves. However, if she wants to stay on this team, she needs to change what she\u2019s <strong>focusing<\/strong> on (so do her parents).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Kids should stop looking at and thinking about other players during warm-ups and games. They need to do the work that\u2019s needed for them to get the job done. That means they should not <strong>focus<\/strong> on whether others like them or say nice things to them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Before a game, they should focus on a warm-up routine. This will help take their minds off other players. Instead, they should <strong>focus<\/strong> on their own strengths or talents, instead of the strengths of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Want to learn more about how kids can boost their<strong> confidence<\/strong> and how you can be better sports parents? At Kids\u2019 Sports Psychology, we\u2019ve got plenty of resources for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For example, exclusive members of Kids\u2019 Sports Psychology can download, for free:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>\u201cAppreciate Your Talents: How to Stop Making Comparisons,\u201d written specifically for sports kids. Other resources include:<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cHow Parents and Coaches Can Cope with Bullying In Sports,\u201d an article that would apply to this family\u2019s situation.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>\u201cConfidence Video Tip 10: Focus on Your Game, Not Others,\u201d a video.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Plus we\u2019ve got many other articles, videos, expert interviews, and e-books!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/help-sports-kids-turn-comparisons-into-growth-comradery\/\"><strong>Help Sports Kids Turn Comparisons into Growth &amp; Comradery<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/athletes-who-make-comparisons-and-how-parents-contribute\/\"><strong>Athletes Who Make Comparisons And How Parents Contribute<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/\"><strong>Why Kids\u2019 Self-Confidence Suffers When Sports Parents Make Comparisons<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Parents Comparing Sports Kids Sports parents, you need to stop making comparisons. Only then will your kids stop taking part in this confidence-busting activity. Ah, but it\u2019s so tempting to chat with your kids, spouse and neighbors about how Johnny\u2019s free-throw shot is a little crooked compared to your kids\u2019 &#8230; <a title=\"Why Kids&#8217; Self-Confidence Suffers When Sports Parents Make Comparisons\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/why-kids-self-confidence-suffers-when-sports-parents-make-comparisons\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Why Kids&#8217; Self-Confidence Suffers When Sports Parents Make Comparisons\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3793,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,17,6],"tags":[50,172,182,251],"class_list":["post-930","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kids-in-sports","category-sports-parenting","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-self-confidence","tag-sport-psychology","tag-sports-parents","tag-youth-sports"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/930","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=930"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/930\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3793"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=930"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=930"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=930"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}