{"id":965,"date":"2011-01-26T19:45:39","date_gmt":"2011-01-26T19:45:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/?p=965"},"modified":"2025-08-07T04:53:15","modified_gmt":"2025-08-07T08:53:15","slug":"helping-young-athletes-avoid-the-blame-game-after-setbacks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-young-athletes-avoid-the-blame-game-after-setbacks\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Young Athletes Avoid the Blame Game After Setbacks"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/athletes-mental-health.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/athletes-mental-health.jpg\" alt=\"How to Care About Athletes\u2019 Mental Health\" class=\"wp-image-9050\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/athletes-mental-health.jpg 600w, https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/athletes-mental-health-300x150.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading has-text-align-center\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The_Blame_Game_in_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>The Blame Game in Youth Sports<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2><div id=\"ez-toc-container\" class=\"ez-toc-v2_0_82_2 ez-toc-wrap-center counter-hierarchy ez-toc-counter ez-toc-grey ez-toc-container-direction\">\n<div class=\"ez-toc-title-container\">\n<p class=\"ez-toc-title\" style=\"cursor:inherit\">Table of Contents<\/p>\n<span class=\"ez-toc-title-toggle\"><a href=\"#\" class=\"ez-toc-pull-right ez-toc-btn ez-toc-btn-xs ez-toc-btn-default ez-toc-toggle\" aria-label=\"Toggle Table of Content\"><span class=\"ez-toc-js-icon-con\"><span class=\"\"><span class=\"eztoc-hide\" style=\"display:none;\">Toggle<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-icon-toggle-span\"><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" class=\"list-377408\" width=\"20px\" height=\"20px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" fill=\"none\"><path d=\"M6 6H4v2h2V6zm14 0H8v2h12V6zM4 11h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2zM4 16h2v2H4v-2zm16 0H8v2h12v-2z\" fill=\"currentColor\"><\/path><\/svg><svg style=\"fill: #999;color:#999\" class=\"arrow-unsorted-368013\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" width=\"10px\" height=\"10px\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" version=\"1.2\" baseProfile=\"tiny\"><path d=\"M18.2 9.3l-6.2-6.3-6.2 6.3c-.2.2-.3.4-.3.7s.1.5.3.7c.2.2.4.3.7.3h11c.3 0 .5-.1.7-.3.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7zM5.8 14.7l6.2 6.3 6.2-6.3c.2-.2.3-.5.3-.7s-.1-.5-.3-.7c-.2-.2-.4-.3-.7-.3h-11c-.3 0-.5.1-.7.3-.2.2-.3.5-.3.7s.1.5.3.7z\"\/><\/svg><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/a><\/span><\/div>\n<nav><ul class='ez-toc-list ez-toc-list-level-1 ' ><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-2'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-1\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-young-athletes-avoid-the-blame-game-after-setbacks\/#The_Blame_Game_in_Youth_Sports\" >The Blame Game in Youth Sports<\/a><ul class='ez-toc-list-level-3' ><li class='ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-2\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-young-athletes-avoid-the-blame-game-after-setbacks\/#Focus_on_Yourself\" >Focus on Yourself<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-3\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-young-athletes-avoid-the-blame-game-after-setbacks\/#Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\" >Related Articles on Youth Sports:<\/a><\/li><li class='ez-toc-page-1 ez-toc-heading-level-3'><a class=\"ez-toc-link ez-toc-heading-4\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-young-athletes-avoid-the-blame-game-after-setbacks\/#Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\" >Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><\/nav><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n<p>When your sports kids get a bad call from a ref, lose a game when it&#8217;s raining or make a bad pass when a dog is barking, do they blame the ref, the rain and the dog?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If so, your kids need to learn how to take responsibility for mistakes and failures. And your words and actions will either contribute to the Blame Game&#8211;or help kids shoulder the responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s the word from Rob Barber, president of USAthletic Baseball. He has coached a number of baseball players who have become major league players. He says that avoiding the Blame Game is critical for young athletes, and it&#8217;s all about making a <strong>commitment<\/strong> to developing as players.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;Frustration and failure come to us all; that&#8217;s part of the process. There&#8217;s nothing unusual or crazy about frustration and failure. This is part of the commitment we&#8217;re making.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As sports parents and coaches, it&#8217;s critical for you to remember that how you communicate with your young athletes can contribute to the Blame Game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;The language adults use and how they describe the <strong>successes<\/strong> and failures of their kids is extremely important. If a kid makes a mistake in a game, parents sometimes want to buffer the kid. We might blame the mistake on a bad coaching decision. We need to teach kids to take responsibility for what happened,<\/em>&#8221; he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Focus_on_Yourself\"><\/span>Focus on Yourself<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When kids take responsibility, they&#8217;re more likely to fare better when they encounter the same challenge again, he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In addition to being careful about how you talk to your young athletes about setbacks, you need to set a good example. If you&#8217;re at a game and your child or teen gets a bad call from a ref, don&#8217;t point it out or complain. <strong>Encourage<\/strong> your child to move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What&#8217;s more, you can point out role models for your children. If you&#8217;re watching a game on TV and you see an athlete handle a setback with grace and responsibility, point this out to your child.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If an athlete is interviewed by a reporter after a loss and takes responsibility for his or her contribution to the loss, you should discuss this with your kids. These are athletes who are <strong>committed<\/strong> to developing as players. They take responsibility for <strong>mistakes<\/strong> and learn from them, rather than blaming others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As we&#8217;ve mentioned in the past, it&#8217;s also critical for you to help young athletes move on after experiencing setbacks or making mistakes. Give them that &#8220;flushing sign,&#8221; which means, &#8220;Flush it and move onto the next play.&#8221; Later, they can think about how they could learn from the mistake. This great advice comes from the Positive Coaching Alliance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you&#8217;re interested in learning more about how to be great sports parents who help young athletes make the most of their talent, we&#8217;ve got just the resources you need at Kids&#8217; Sports Psychology. A few examples:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>An e-book, &#8220;Seven Strategies to Help Young Athletes Stay Composed After Making Mistakes.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Our interview with Barber, &#8220;Helping Sports Kids Commit To Growth.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Video interview with Bruce Kracke, Positive Coaching Alliance trainer, about helping kids cope with mistakes.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Plus loads of other articles, videos, audios, e-books and more!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"related-articles-on-hockey-mental-game\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Related_Articles_on_Youth_Sports\"><\/span>Related Articles on Youth Sports:<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/tips-for-finding-the-best-coaches\/\"><strong>Tips For Finding The Best Coaches: They Should Instill Love Of Playing<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-sports-kids-commit-to-growth\/\"><strong>Helping Sports Kids Commit to Growth [Podcast]<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/how-exercise-can-reduce-anxiety-in-young-athletes\/\"><strong>How Exercise can Reduce Anxiety in Young Athletes<\/strong><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"block-f49818fa-7c7a-4ee3-b5ee-66581aad2c71\">*Subscribe to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/sports-psychology-podcast-by-peaksports-com\/id152566009\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on iTunes<br>*Subscribe to <a href=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0ynyaalKxbnNmsoeL8gF5X?si=8224669de9b3435b\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The Sports Psychology Podcast<\/strong><\/a> on Spotify<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-dots\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Help_Young_Athletes_Boost_Confidence_in_Sports\"><\/span>Help Young Athletes Boost Confidence in Sports!<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h3>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"250\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/ultimate-sports-parent-small.jpg\" alt=\"The Ultimate Sports Parent\" class=\"wp-image-11157\" style=\"width:167px;height:auto\"\/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<p>Every day, we receive letters from parents like you who want their children and teens to excel in sports. However, these parents can <strong>see fear, doubt, and frustration on the faces of their kids<\/strong> who struggle with the \u201cinner\u201d game of sports. But these parents have no idea how to help their kids <strong>overcome the worries, expectations and self-defeating thoughts<\/strong> that prevent their young athletes from feeling confident and successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can benefit from our 1<strong>5-plus years\u2019 of work in sports psychology and sports parenting research<\/strong>. Now, you can <strong>tap into our secrets to sports success<\/strong> through a cutting-edge, 14-day program that helps young athletes overcome the top \u201cmental game\u201d challenges that sports parents face\u2014and the top <strong>challenges young athletes face<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"gb-container gb-container-fbab03ed\">\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-fa7bf2e7 gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/www.peaksports.com\/ultimate-sports-parent-workbook-cd-program\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">GET DETAILS<\/a>\n\n\n\n<a class=\"gb-button gb-button-33bcee1d gb-button-text\" href=\"https:\/\/shop.peaksports.com\/products\/the-ultimate-sports-parent-digital\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">BUY NOW<\/a>\n\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Blame Game in Youth Sports When your sports kids get a bad call from a ref, lose a game when it&#8217;s raining or make a bad pass when a dog is barking, do they blame the ref, the rain and the dog? If so, your kids need to learn &#8230; <a title=\"Helping Young Athletes Avoid the Blame Game After Setbacks\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/helping-young-athletes-avoid-the-blame-game-after-setbacks\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Helping Young Athletes Avoid the Blame Game After Setbacks\">Read Sport Psychology Tip<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9051,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,17,25,6],"tags":[195,118,194,117],"class_list":["post-965","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kids-in-sports","category-sports-parenting","category-youth-sports-coach","category-youth-sports-psychology-blog","tag-errors","tag-mental-game","tag-mistakes","tag-youth-sports-psychology","resize-featured-image"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/965","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=965"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/965\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9051"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=965"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=965"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.youthsportspsychology.com\/youth_sports_psychology_blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=965"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}