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How to Get My Son to Apply what He Knows
He Should do?
Tennis Parent:
My son, age 16, has played tennis for 6 years. He's extremely
talented stroke wise. He has won only one match in 10 novice
tournaments with double elimination – always losing to
lesser players. He is a perfectionist; ADD without hyperactivity.
Starts missing shots and it snowballs from there. Have tried
the "Live in the now. Each shot new opportunity. Be patient.
Breathe. Relax before each stroke." Progressive relaxation.
Meditation. We don't need that stuff. He has two coaches who
try to work with his head. He knows what he needs to do (relax,
stop being judgmental, avoid being results oriented) but cannot
make himself do it. He tries out again for the high school tennis
team in March. He's playing enormous pressure on himself to
make the team. In May he will move to the 18U.
How do I get him to be a successful competitive player when
he won't do what will ultimately help him?
The Ultimate Sports Parent:
From our experience, athletes sometimes have trouble applying
mental skills even when they know they're important to them
and they understand the mental game skills. This is always our
biggest challenge when working with athletes: to help them apply
what they learn. For example, he might have other core issues
such as self-limiting beliefs or expectations (“I always
choke in tournaments”) that prevent him from applying
the simple strategies you addressed in your email.
Most people think that sports psychology or mental coaching
is all about relaxation and visualization. Sports psychology
is much more than teaching athletes relaxation and visualization.
Confidence, trust, and focus are more important concepts.
In addition, you said that he is a perfectionist. He likely
needs to address several mental game issues such as high expectations,
fear of failure, self-confidence, coping with frustration, lack
of trust in competition, and several other issues.
Working with a trained expert in the field of mental coaching
and sports psychology will help your son better understand and
apply the mental game skills. Team coaches have some knowledge
of the mental game (as players and students of the game). But
they are often not trained experts in this area.
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