Dealing With Perfectionism in Sports Kids
Just how frustrating is it for parents when a child isn’t having fun in sports because he’s a perfectionist?
A reader tells us:
“Practically all of the emails I have received from you (about perfectionism) could have been written about my son….”
“He is afraid of failure and afraid to make a mistake….He never seems happy, ever…Needless to say, my husband and I are baffled, confused, frustrated and whatever other emotion comes along with it.”
This talented athlete has moments where he can’t perform at all, the sports mom says.
“He was playing catcher on this team and all of a sudden he can’t throw the ball back to the pitcher from the catching position. It would go on the ground, over the pitcher’s head, everywhere but to the pitcher.”
As we’ve said before, perfectionism is one of the number one mental game challenges sports kids face.
Often these kids are great players. That’s because perfectionists have a lot of positive qualities: They work very hard at improving their game and give 110%.
However, they freeze up during competition. They hurt themselves by avoiding making mistakes. When they freeze up like this, they can’t play with the ease, creativity and freedom that allow sports kids to excel and grow.
Often, kids are perfectionists because they expect too much from themselves. Those expectations can come from people around them. That’s true of this sports mom’s son.
Because her son is very tall for his age—5 inches taller than his peers—and a gifted athlete, his coaches expect a lot of him, she says.
Here’s the good news: You, as sports parents and coaches, can help perfectionists overcome their fears and make the most of their talents….
First, you need to help kids identify the expectations that are causing them to expect so much of themselves. When kids have such high expectations, and then don’t reach them, they become frustrated and freeze up.
You need to then replace these expectations with manageable goals. These are generally smaller goals that aren’t focused on the win or the score. For example, a young athlete might concentrate on getting three rebounds.
As parents, it’s critical that you think hard about whether you expect too much from your young athlete. If you realize you do expect too much, try to change your behavior.
Focus as much as possible on having fun. Avoid talk about the score or the win.
Related Articles on Youth Sports:
- Helping Young Athletes Kick Perfectionism and Fear of Failure
- Helping Kids See the Good and Bad of Perfectionism in Sports
- How To Overcome Perfectionism In Sports
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